Saying Good-bye "To Do List"

Saying goodbye to my everyday " To Do List", isn't as easy as it sounds.. I'm a perfectionist, in a way, I guess. I mean my clothes aren't perfect,  my hair isn't perfect,  my makeup isn't perfect,  my weight isn't perfect,  my kids aren't perfect, my house isn't perfect,  but when it comes to getting things done, it has to be perfect. And the only way that's going to get done, is if I do it.

Everyday the list gets longer and longer, and my days get shorter and shorter. I run out of time to get things done. I'm too busy to be creative. I have no time for creative thoughts or hobbies. Because of my to do list, I don't travel, or go out of town, but once every 6 months, maybe, for an overnight visiting a friend. And while I'm away, I'm thinking of what needs to be done when I get back. Why? I don't get paid more for accomplishing my to do list. I don't get recognition, or praise for completing my to do list. I don't receive financial reward for completing my to do list. 

I used to draw, paint, and play piano.  I even taught piano for four years. I used to craft and go to craft shows. I'd sew and  cook big meals every night... All while raising 3 children and doing full-time in-home daycare for 13 years. I had plenty of time then to do everything. Maybe I was just more energetic, and could fit it all in a day. But it seems I am obsessed with making other people happy and allowing them to fulfill their wants and needs, while accomplishing nothing on my bucket list. 

I am mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausted. But I can't stop... Because there is a to-do list to finish. If I don't do everything on the list, I will be seen as a failure, or lazy.  I can't even sleep, because I replay every day, in my mind, making sure I got everything done. 

I want to have purpose. I want to have quality free time spent doing something for me, and only me. I want to benefit from my accomplishments. I want to have financial freedom, while making a difference in someone's life. I want to recreate my former self, only better! I want to be happy knowing that I can change my life. I am the captain of my ship.  There's a phrase, " If you don't like where you're at..move. You're not a tree".  I have to steer my life in a new direction, because I have earned the right to feel healthy and alive with every breath. I have earned the right to feel self-confident and beautiful in my own skin. I have earned the right to a good night's sleep, and maybe a nap or two. I have earned the right to make a decent wage to where I can live in comfort, without fear of financial debt. I have earned the right to create my own daily schedule, and not follow someone else's. Young Living is my out. Young Living has sparked a new fire within, and is my help in walking away from my "To Do List".  I only hope that I can help somebody else walk away from theirs.