It's funny the things that you remember and that make an impact on you. The simplest things - a conversation, an innocent comment among coworkers - can really shed insight into yourself, how you see the world, and how the world sees you. I remember it vividly, even though it was half my lifetime ago (25 years or so): sitting in our office space, discussing television programs, and I mentioned watching the Waltons. My friend and coworker chimed in that she was shocked I watched the Waltons. Upon questioning, she revealed that she saw me as tough and strong, and not touchy-feely like the Waltons. Hmmm, really? I was taken aback and I was hurt. I care more deeply than most people I know. But I had dealt with a lot of crap even at that point in my life, and yes, I did have a hard outer layer - it was my defense mechanism. I still have it to an extent, but it's quickly broken down now, unlike then.

I've always been passionate about healthy eating and exercise as a way of life. I was a runner for 30+ years. It is what kept me sane, literally. I made a lot of bad choices in my younger days, all of which had contributing circumstances….or as I see it, I made bad choices to get away from some shitty circumstances, but whatever, running pulled me through. It helped me navigate the stresses and hardships of being a single mom for years. Being a single mom was a less awful situation than an alcoholic, abusive husband. Running got me through the death of my brother, father, ex-husband who was the father of my children, and favorite uncle, all within a two year span. Running really saved my life.

Now that I'm older, (wiser is still being debated, LOL) I can't run like I used to. My feet are pretty beat up, but I love to cycle, and my Peloton bike is my current love! I've found ways to support my energy and stamina to continue to plow through my personal struggles. I deal with massive amounts of grief surrounding the loss of my 29 year old son to a drug overdose, and my emotions are all over the place.  But I've found ways to manage these issues and stay balanced and healthy, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I have found healthier, more natural ways to support positive changes in my life. Before adopting some of these positive habits and healthier options, I was a mess, and truthfully, I still have days when I am a mess, but I'm not as much of a mess as I used to be. I found natural options to help me face and deal with my trauma, and loss, and anxiety, and crazies!!! I know I am healthier now than I've been in a long time, in all ways. Health isn't just diet and exercise - it's the whole package: physical, emotional, and spiritual. 

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