What No One Wants to Admit

What No One Wants to Admit
I'm just going to call out the elephant right now and tell you that this blog may piss you off. It may offend you, it may trigger you, it may even make you hate me. But it's my truth, and that's really all that matters here right now. And maybe, just maybe, it can help someone else who is feeling the same one, someone who is struggling, someone who feels guilt and shame, someone who feels hated. Because I know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way, and I know I won't be the last either.

This weekend we did our gender reveal. We had the OB email our friend who was making us our cake. We gathered family on Zoom. We even went live on Facebook. We knew there was a 50/50 chance. And we also knew that the most important thing is that our genetics tests had come back at a very low risk for any genetic disorders. But if I'm being honest, we both were hoping for a girl. And so was most of our family. We already have a son. And there are no granddaughters on either side of the family. And I had the perfect girl name picked out already.

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Why Mindset Matters

Why Mindset Matters
If you asked me four years ago about mindset, I really wouldn't have had a clue. I've learned a lot in the past four years, about myself, about the world, about healing. And one of the most important areas that keeps coming up, and interweaving all of these other things together, is mindset. But what is mindset, and really, why does it matter so much? And maybe most importantly, what can you do to improve your mindset?

Simply put, mindset is your beliefs about yourself and your personal qualities and abilities. It is also your beliefs about whether you can grow and change those qualities and abilities, or if you are "stuck with what you've got". Truthfully, whichever camp you fall into, growth mindset or not, it's true. Because if you believe you are stuck with what you've got, why would you put any effort into improving? But I am living proof, and have seen hundreds of others as proof too, that if you believe you can change and grow, you will. Even if you are somewhat skeptical, but have a deep desire for growth, great things can happen. But how?
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Importance of Date Night

Importance of Date Night
I got triggered again last week. My husband said something that was poorly worded, I took it personally, lashed out at him, triggered him, he got defensive, which triggered me even further, and before we knew it we were both angry and hurt.

This used to be a daily occurrence, consistently triggering each other by our reactions, continuing into a downward spiral until we were yelling, crying, or not speaking. It happens far less now, but it still happens sometimes. And what we've learned over the past few years is that when we start to trigger each other, when we start to react out of hurt and anger and insecurity, it probably means our quality time is lacking. When we look back on the past month, the evidence speaks for itself. 
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Dear Warrior Mom...

Dear Warrior Mom...
Dear Warrior Mom,

I see you. I see you, trying to make your marriage work, trying to keep a peaceful home, trying to keep hope in your heart for better days. Sometimes you wonder if that's just a delusion, sometimes you wonder if you can bear another minute of this brokenness.

You were taught that the perfect marriage, the perfect home, is achievable. And so you strive for perfection, sacrificing yourself, your body, your mind, your soul. You do your best to keep a tidy home, raise honorable children, support your husband in his struggles. All the while, you feel like you are dying inside.
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Does Marriage Counseling Actually Work??

Does Marriage Counseling Actually Work??
The short answer is yes, yes absolutely marriage counseling can work. Notice I said can. It doesn't always work, and there are a few things you may want to consider before jumping in head first.

First of all, for marriage counseling to be effective, both partners need to be on board. If only one is invested in it, it will most likely be one sided, and will lead to resentment, which can further damage the relationship rather than healing it.

That's not to say counseling can't help your marriage though, even if your partner isn't interested in going. 
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