If I Could Speak to My Babies Now

May 6, 2022 05:23 PM Central
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There's a lot of talk going on around Facebook now about the fact that Roe vs. Wade may be overturned and the power to regulate abortions be returned to the states. Really, most of the people on "both sides" have no idea what they're talking about. If I could speak with my babies now -- the twins I aborted nearly 35 years ago - I'd tell them that I wish Roe vs. Wade had not been around. I wish an abortion had been much harder to have. I wish someone had told me the truth -- that their heartbeats were already strong. I wish someone had called them a baby (it wasn't until a year later that I learned I had aborted twins), instead of "tissue." I would tell them that I wish I had cried out to God. I would tell them that I'm a different person now, one that never would have aborted them. I'd also tell them that I'm forgiven, that I've forgiven myself, and that most of the time, I really am well. It's just that things like the arguments and the posts are triggering me. There are a few categories of people who are knowledgeable about this issue, and I happen to be in one those categories: a woman who had an abortion who knew it was wrong the minute she stepped out of the clinic door. I regret my abortion, and if you'd like to know more of my story, check out my blog posts from 2020.

I am one of the fortunate women who was able to give birth again. I have two grown sons who I am incredibly grateful for every day. Many women who have had abortions are never able to become pregnant again, because the uterus or lining can be damaged in the abortion process.

So, if you think you have an opinion about this controversial subject, ask someone like me who has a personal story to tell. I wish I had the faith then that I have now. If I had, I would have relied on God. He would have shown me resources that I didn't realize were there: resources inside me that He put there that I had forgotten about or, maybe never had to use before.

More to come,

Carol

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Meet Carol Stribula

I was heavily burdened by a secret few people knew about. I felt isolated and lacked support for a long time. 33 years ago, I had an abortion while I was engaged to the man who soon became my husband. Although we had our reasons, what it came down to was that we weren't active in our faith. As we walked out of the clinic door that day, I said to my fiance, " I am NEVER doing that again!" Already, my deep sub-conscious knew what I had done was wrong.

My journey to healing from the shame and guilt I felt for making a really bad decision was a long one, and frankly, one I tried to avoid. But God wouldn't let me avoid it. About a year after my abortion, I picked up my medical records from my OB/GYN physician who'd done the abortion. My new husband was in the Air Force, was making a permanent change of duty station, and I needed to bring my medical records with us. I remember opening up the medical records back at our apartment, and discovering that my doctor had determined that I'd been pregnant with twins; she hadn't told me. My shame and guilt magnified. As did my sorrow.

I took about 29 years to really begin working to forgive myself and my husband. There were huge moments of grace along the way, as well as things that often triggered me. I began using products in March of 2012 that began to heal me in all ways -- physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually -- including releasing a lot of weight, but I still wasn't free.

Finally, in late summer of 2016, precipitated by a family crisis, I began doing emotional healing work including EMDR. This, amazingly, showed that some of my reactions to the crisis were related to the abortion and God's interventions to help me heal over the years.

By September of 2017, I felt I'd done enough emotional work, and terminated my EMDR therapy with my therapist's blessing. I wish I could tell you that all was well after that. But, it wasn't. I began having major issues with insomnia -- worse than ever before, and, I became sensitive to many different foods -- even foods that one would consider healthy.

Meanwhile, God was drawing me ever closer to Him.. In the summer of 2018, I started doing a couple of specific techniques which worked to further release my bad memories, calm me, and improve my sleep. Further healing from the insomnia gradually came. But when I added a brand new product to my nightly routine in August, 2019, it was a game changer!

There's more to my story, but that's for another time. If you've had an abortion that still haunts you, please know that you are not alone. Healing is possible and I’m here to help you. Come join my private, supportive Facebook group: Gentle Breezes. Healing is a journey best walked with a friend. It's time.