***WARNING - strong language used***
In Death of a Salesman, Willy Loman said, “Be liked and you will never want.”
Willy was wrong.
DEAD wrong!
Wanting to be liked, and worrying about what others think about you, is normally an attempt at maintaining the status quo in your life; doing things to minimize disruption, chaos, and anxiety.
However, all too often, constantly choosing to live life taking detours to avoid roadblocks, speed bumps, and other annoyances that will inevitably arise, leads to the exact opposite of the undisrupted life we strive for, and we become a jumbled ball of stress and anxiety as a result.
To that, I say - No.fucking.thank.you!
I sit here today, as someone who used to ride that nauseating, spinny, carnival ride of giving a fuck, to let you in on a little secret -
You are not here to please any of those motherfuckers!
At all.
EVER!
My life got exponentially better when I stopped giving a shit who, thought what, about me.
For real.
Keep reading and you will learn some easy peasy things you can do TODAY so that you too, can stop giving a fuck what others think about you!
And...not feel bad about it!
First, let’s discuss a few important pieces of info that will help you on your journey to NoFucksGivenVille.
Not NEARLY as many people think about you as often, or as much, as you think they do!
Wait, I was never a scout.
Nevermind, it doesn’t matter because it is science that says so!
According to research, no one is REALLY thinking about you.
Wanna know why?
Because they are too busy thinking about themselves.
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
Personal growth guru, Dale Carnegie said, “When we’re not engaged in thinking about a problem, we spend 95% of our time thinking about ourselves.”
It ain’t just lip service either...
One psychology study showed that almost 80% of all our conversations revolve around our own selves.
The results of experiments conducted by Harvard University, illustrate a staggering amount of time that people spend talking about themselves.
This is not just the opinion of thought leaders, and scientists.
Think about your own thoughts for just a sec.
How much time do YOU spend thinking about:
*How YOUR day went?
*How YOU feel?
*What is on YOUR to-do list?
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that AT LEAST 90% of your thoughts are self-centric.
That’s ok.
It doesn’t mean you are an egomaniac, or a psychopath, or a horrible person.
Seriously - it just means you are human.
People’s shitty comments have NOTHING to do with you!
The things that people say and do are reflections of themselves, and their insecurities.
In many instances, those who mock and judge, and shame, are merely projecting their own bullshit low self-esteem unto others who have, and are doing, what they wish they could.
"People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not.” ― Wayne Gerard Trotman
How positively we see others is inexplicably linked to how happy, and satisfied we are with our own lives.
#BOOM
#micdrop
To get this party started, peep this video.
And - now to the nitty gritty.
The reason you are still reading.
The pièce de résistance...
Five Easy Ways to Stop Giving a Fuck:
Remove Negativity From Your Life!
Right now.
Without hesitation.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Remember the old adage, “Misery loves company”?
It is 100% FACT!
Best way to combat assholeitis is to give them zero time & attention.
Z E R O!
That family member that just moans & groans ALL.THE.TIME about how their life sucks, nothing ever works out, blah, blah, blah -
Stop engaging. Walk away. Do not feed after midnight. lol
That coworker that creates so much drama in the LBC. (If you can’t appreciate my random 90’s Hip Hop, and movie quote references, we prolly cannot be friends…)
Do not participate - it’s a trap!
Do not let Negative Nancy into your bubble of awesomeness.
--For real - don’t let them into your physical space. Their shitty energy/vibe can stay the fuck over ----->.
Stop watching the fiction of the day, errr, I mean the news.
Block, unfollow, or unfriend, people and pages on social media that don't jive with how you want to live/feel.
#byefelicia
Focus Your Attention Where It Counts
Stop asking your broke, unmotivated, bum ass friend for their opinion on your idea.
Stop expecting your chronically miserable friend to be excited for your new endeavors.
Stop thinking that just because someone is a friend, (or family member), that they are gonna give it to you straight.
Some will want you to fail because they did.
Some will try to sabotage you by getting into your head, and feeding the “not good enough” gremlins that live in your subconscious.
Some will outright lie to you just to see if you will fall on your face.
Fuck those guys!
Our minds have unlimited ability, but limited capacity.
That means that our brains are FAR more capable that we could ever imagine, BUT operates primarily by what we put into it.
Junk in = junk out
Awesomeness in = awesomeness out
We must be selective over whose voices, and what messages, we let in.
This includes our own thoughts and words too!
QUIT People Pleasing!
For many people, they choose the path of people pleasing to avoid drama, to not rock the boat, to just go along to get along.
Dr. Aziz Gazipura absolutely NAILS it here:
“Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval.”
Did you catch that?
We are not nice because it is the right thing to do; we are nice because we are afraid of the consequences otherwise.
Oh Helllll No!
That is no way to live!
I’m not saying to not be a nice person.
I’m saying that you shouldn't be a doormat.
We think that pleasing people is the answer. In reality, what we are doing is setting the expectations so low that we ultimately become surrounded by all the narcissistic, egomaniacal, douchebags we encounter, who see us as nothing more than another member of their fan club.
Being someone who couldn't care less, isn’t so much about other people, as it is about our ownselves.
Not giving a shit what people think about you does not degenerate ANYONE, and in fact increases our level of self respect, exponentially.
Fuck what they think!
Do you Boo Boo.
Life is Too MF’n Short
Our time here is limited.
Why on earth would we want to WASTE one second of that precious time, agonizing over someone’s BS image of us?
There are several irrefutable truths:
- Some people are just assholes.
*Judgy AF
*ALWAYS has something to say
- Some folks just won’t like you. (and you don’t have to care!)
- You just won’t like some people.
*It isn’t personal, you just won’t vibe.
*There are 8 BILLION+ people in the world, why do you care what ONE of them thinks about you?
Know Your Core Values
Core Values are the fundamental beliefs of a person that helps guide their actions.
Another way to think about Core Values is that they are the cornerstone of a person’s moral compass, which are sacrosanct, and can never be compromised.
Once your core values are well-defined, it is way easier to confidently live your truth.
Anytime you question yourself, your ideas, your path, ask yourself these questions:
Are you doing something that matters to you?
Are you staying true to who you are?
Do you love what you are doing?
If you answer yes - stay the MF’n course!
You got this!
I am a kid at heart, and whenever someone has something critical, (in a jerky, judgy, douchy, way), I resort to my elementary school days and think to myself, “I’m rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!”
If someone has a problem with you, or what you are doing, it is just that - THEIR problem.
A key to facing legit criticism is not doing it solo!
Round up your crew, have a brainstorm sesh, laugh, shrug it off, and indulge in one of my most favorite de-stressing techniques EVER...dance it out!
#thankyougreysanatomy
Give yourself the permission to show up as exactly who you are!
Now, go get busy living your best MF’n life, and give ZERO fucks!
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow'd.
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow'd.
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
- Wearing the pink dress "to make Grandma happy"
- Not getting the funky haircut you REALLY want
- Wearing tennis shoes instead of Doc Martens
- Not participating in chorus/choir
- Not speaking up about causes you care about
- Going to X school because it's impressive
- Pursuing finance instead of art/writing/photography
- Censoring our speech
Dear Suicide,
I vividly recall the first time we met.
I didn’t know your name, but felt your presence.
I was around 11 years old.
I was struggling SO very hard.
Everything was changing, but so much was still the same.
Nobody saw how much I was hurting.
Nobody noticed my silent screams and pleas.
Or so I thought.
One night, while crying alone in my room – you visited me.
I felt your icy embrace, and can still feel the weight of your chilling words,
“Let me help you. Let me free you. I’m here for you. End it all.”
I had no idea who you were, what you wanted, or why you were there, so I just brushed you off, and ignored you.
A few years passed before you entered my life again, but this time, it was through a friend.
My friend welcomed your call.
I was devastated, and hated you, whilst subconsciously calling out for you.
As time went on, I became stronger, and you were no longer part of my thought process.
Until –
While I was away at college, I received a call from a dear friend, letting me know that you had visited yet another one of our friends.
I was shook.
I was mad AF.
I screamed, raged, and broke things.
And then I cried.
I cried like I had never cried before.
I promised myself that I was never going to pine for you again.
Years passed.
With that passage of time, I had so many hard, terrifying, and sad experiences.
But I remained resolute in my vow.
The next time I felt your presence was during the lowest part of my life.
I tried to resist you, to not need you.
I tried for quite a while.
Then came a night where between my internal angst & rage, and your signature calling,
"Let me help you. Let me free you. I’m here for you. End it all.” –
I could not hear anything else.
I could not think of anything else.
I could not envision any other ending for myself.
So I succumbed.
I drank the bottle of booze, and downed the bottle of pills.
Suddenly, the energy around me palpably changed.
It was no longer the crisp nothingness I knew intimately.
Instead, it felt like warm, soft, glowing, sun beams.
That night, my husband saved my life, and permanently severed my intimate relationship with you.
I have both loved, and hated him for that.
But – I knew that if I ever let you in again, you would win.
I was no longer willing for that to be how my story ended.
You sought refuge elsewhere.
Fuck you for choosing my friend’s son’s brain/heart to take up residence in.
He was too young to know how strong he was, and how much he was truly loved.
The day after we found out what you had done, we went to support our friend.
The moment I first embraced him, after you took his son, is when I instantly knew that you were dead to me, forever.
The pain I felt coming out of my dear friend’s body, cannot be put into words.
The feeling of that pain remains with me today.
My hate for you intensified exponentially.
Maybe a year or so after that, you took one of our closest friends.
You preyed on him like a jackal, and used his demons against him.
When I got the news, I dropped to my knees, and sobbed.
I cried so hard, I couldn’t breathe.
The loss of that friend made me absolutely terrified that others would soon follow.
Thankfully you offered me a little reprieve, time wise.
Two years ago you damn near shattered me.
I saw a friend who lived states away, post on social media, in real time, that he was choosing to go with you.
I tried contacting everyone I knew in his area that could possibly go intervene.
Others saw the same thing, and took the same action.
We were unsuccessful.
You took him from us.
I want you to know that, with me, you failed.
Even in my darkest moments, the struggles I think I will never be able to get through, I absolutely know one thing – I will NEVER allow your presence near me again.
You have no power here anymore!
I often send this message out into the universe, in hopes that the ones you are calling to, will instead hear MY message:
“You got this. You are strong. You are worthy. You are loved. Humanity is here for you.”
Messages of love and compassion are louder, and more powerful than your bullshit!
In closing, I have one final message for you –
“Let me help you. Let me free you. I’m here for you. End it all.”
Sincerely,
Your old nemesis, Patti
