There is nothing that can totally prepare you for life as a new mom. Even when your friends try to explain the midnight wake-ups, the crying, the diapering, and the nursing, it’s not something that can be truly understood until you experience it for yourself. I was a new mother also and many times I felt overwhelmed but that’s normal. That is why it is vital to take care of yourself. In the first few weeks, a mother needs to focus simply on herself and her baby. Over time, things will start to get easier.
Following are a few tips that will help you take care of yourself and hopefully prevent the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Get up, get dressed, go outside, and walk every single day
Research shows walking outside for 10 minutes a day will level your blood sugar, increase your positive mood, and decrease symptoms of depression. No shower required! Eat a high-protein, highly nutritious food then get walking!
Eat often - every 2 to 3 hours
Also drink lots of water. This may sound like silly and obvious advice. But the reality is we get stuck on the couch breastfeeding and we don’t want to disturb a happy baby. But if we don’t pay attention to ourselves, they have a miserable mommy. Have easy to eat, fast, nutritious foods within reach.
Give yourself a break and give your spouse a break
We are misled to believe that having a new baby will the best thing that ever happened to our relationship. It’s a lie! And yet, no one talks about how hard the first year is on a partnership. Don’t be fooled into thinking that your relationship is flawed if it’s stressful and not so great. We all parent within financial, social, and cultural pressures that often get taken out on each other. We perceive we are the only ones struggling, and so it must be our relationship. It’s not. Don’t forget to take care of each other.
Take care of yourself – not your friends or family
Even though we’re tired and want others to make the decision for us, we often end up feeling disappointed or let down because they don’t know what we want. Be assertive and communicate your needs. Use this with friends and family no matter how old your kids are.
Ask for help
Consider the last time a friend had a baby. You wanted to help, and you wanted to be a part of it, but you didn’t know what they wanted. So you didn’t intrude, and you left them to have “family time.” Isolation is the leading cause of postpartum depression – and not surprisingly, connecting with our social supports is one of the treatments. In today’s independent world, we forget that we are inter-dependent. It’s hard to know how to manage this period – even for our closest friends. We have been misled to believe that others didn’t need help, so we shouldn’t either. This is a myth! ASK for help. See #9 for more on this.
Don’t suffer needlessly
You do not have to have full-blown postpartum depression or anxiety to warrant connecting with more services. You don’t have to wait. Go before it gets bad. Connect with other parents and hear their perspective and their reality of new parenthood, and you will be surprised at how much you have in common with others. It doesn’t matter if they’re breastfeeding, if they had natural childbirth, or if they had an emergency C-section like you. I encourage everyone to experience the power of being with other new parents and normalizing the difficult transition it is for most of us. You don’t have to wait for your PEPS Group to start – while you’re waiting, find a group that focuses on the emotional transition to motherhood. If you feel like you may be experiencing postpartum depression, call or text the Warm Line 888-404-7763 and talk to a parent who has been there – receive support, information, and referrals to specialists.
Be kind to other mothers
We can easily fall into the myth of thinking that we are doing well because of something that we’ve done right. This is how we learn to feel superior to other mothers. Regardless of how things have gone for you, the mother who ended up having a C-section, or the mother that couldn’t breastfeed, or the mother who is experiencing postpartum depression – did nothing to set herself up for these disappointments. Non-judgment can go a long way and may even come back to you when you need it most. Don’t accidentally reinforce the mommy wars. Assume she has a very good reason for everything she is doing and withhold your own judgment and advice.
Assign a designated respite care provider before the baby is born
Find 1-2 friends who would be the official respite care provider in case of emergency. I feel that this is a great idea to designate your own respite care provider. So, before your baby is born, or before baby #2- consider who amongst your good friends you could pre-contract with to provide help. Ask them what kinds of things they would be willing to help with, what their schedule is like, and then call on them when you need it. They may be busy and may say no – it’s not because they didn’t want to but it’s because you have already discussed this in advance.
Take care of yourself
What do I mean by this? Time away from your baby! This goes for every mom, regardless of the age of your child. Self-care expectations may differ depending on the age of your baby. But even a 1-2 week old baby can be left for 20-30 minutes with a caring family member for you to go do anything except what is needed to be done. It’s so important to make time for yourself so you can be a better mom by taking care of your loved ones.
Spouses need self-care too!
Increasingly, parenting and household management are more and more shared between both parents. There are many resources these days – from casual meet-ups to organized classes. Both parents deserve time away at least once per week. This should a balanced and scheduled time that each of you gets to enjoy.
This week on my Freedom-n-Joy Essentials page, I am sharing on Babies and Oils. Finding the right oils for your baby and applying them when needed can make them healthy and content and make your life easier.
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