Walking through Grief

I was brought up believing in God. Not the Bible but God.  Although my mom would tell me after we would say prayers before bed “don’t pray for big things because God is too busy for that”. 

My Faith in God was  always surface level.  I felt condemned by him, I felt judged by him, never love but only anger.  

Fast forward to loosing two spouses by the age of 36!  I would make it through life after loss out of my own strength.  I questioned where God was in all of it. Why would he punish me like this?  I knew I wasn’t a perfect person but I thought I was a good person.  

I was pregnant with my youngest when my late husband died.  I couldn’t understand why God wanted me to be a single parent to even more children?  Why did he do this?  

Desperate one night when all the kids were asleep, I cried out to God to either take me or change my life.  I had it good in most people’s eyes even after loosing my husband. I lived in a nice house, I was able to stay at home with healthy kids, I had family and security.  But I was miserable inside.  Empty, lost and I didn’t understand why I could have be blessed so much but be so unhappy.  

Two days later, after crying out to God to take me, a friend asked me to go to her church.  I was taught growing up that if I went to another church other than the one I grew up in  that I would go to hell. At this moment, I felt like I was in my own personal mental hell so I decided to go.  People there were the opposite of the church I grew up in.  They were smiling, warm, welcoming and loving.  It all seemed weird but something inside said “your hearing truth” 

My life changed when I started to read the Bible and see what God said for myself instead of just living off of traditions of man taught to me as a child.  

God started to show, in very tangible ways, how much he cared about every little thing in my life, and every big thing too.   I could write a book on the things He did for me, now that I was listening, to see how much he loved me, despite my imperfections and lack of attention to him all my years of living. 

Little did I know how he was building my Faith to help me endure the thing I always said I could never endure.  The loss of a child.  Giving a son up for adoption when I was only 17 threw me into severe emotional turmoil that lasted for years.  Then to have another child taken from you, was the ultimate mental anguish.  

In 2007, on a beautiful Saturday morning, I awoke and spoke with my oldest daughter briefly.  Then I proceeded to make breakfast and go back to my room to read and pray for my kids.  After a time of praying, I went to my daughter’s room to find her tragically gone. I can’t describe the rest of that day because I don’t remember much.  Other than throwing my Bible at the police when they arrived.  This was the one thing I had always said I would never be able to survive.  Why God? Why? 

I was mad at God but also the work He had been doing in me had taught me that the number of days we have on this earth is only known by God and we cannot change that.   We don’t have the power. I had also learned and experienced and knew that God did not cause evil in this world but man does with his greed and pride and selfishness, at the root of all evil.  God allows, and uses bad things in our life to teach us and create a good work in us, he does not causes the bad.  Why would God allow, most of us would say, but He works in ways that man cannot understand and in hindsight, always for our benefit. Even in times of trial and deep loss,  God is helping us grow into the people he designed us to be.  

That day forever changed me. At the time I thought my kids would all be destined to be messed up adults, and I assumed I would never find joy again, and never experience happiness.  The worst had happened and I could not, at that moment, even imagine that I would ever find the good in this tragedy.  

It is true that we experienced years of heartache and pain for every holiday, anniversary, and tears whenever I would see a teenager.  I mourned so deeply, daily for my kids who not only lost their father but now two siblings that they were robbed of ever knowing.   The pain was deep but Gods grace and mercy for me took me on a journey of experiences that are beyond describable to show me that He was with me.  He put people in my life that would help us, comfort us, serve us and befriend us when we needed it.  

The Bible became my strength to understand Him more so I didn’t blame Him but saw more and more each day of how He was working things out for my benefit, so I would be a better mother and friend and Christian.   He taught me I could trust Him when I wanted to give up,  because He would give me the strength to go on.  He would help me raise my kids and show me that He would care for them even when I felt I wasn’t doing a great job.  

The most tragic of days slowly and beautifully started to get better.  The healing is slow.  The healing is hard.  The healing only comes truly when you allow God to be your source and not on your own strength.  

Years later in 2019, God blessed us by answering years of prayers to be united with the son I gave up for adoption when I was a teen.  It came about in the most unusual of ways but the kids were so excited to meet the brother they always heard of and I saw how God weaved this gift  into my life’s story that he is writing for me.  

I will never get to see Megan get married or have children or grow old, but I do get the joy and peace knowing that she loved Jesus too, and put  her trust in him and is safely in His arms where I will see her again.  

God has walked alongside me through the most horrific losses and yet He brings me peace that can come from nothing on this earth.  He is sovereign over all things, including our time here and He continues to work through every mistake I make, every prayer I pray, and I am so ever grateful that he is in charge and I am not.  His will and plans are perfect unlike mine.  💜

When you put your trust in Jesus, all things will become clear, all the pain will be used for your benefit and you will see the goodness of God in your life.  I guarantee it!  

You are receiving this communication because you are part of our Young Living group.  This is for educational purposes only, this is not a solicitation.  

It May!!!  Spring shower bring May flowers and itchy eyes and sniffles and sneezes and all the uncomfortable issues with pollen and grass.   Remember to use last months seasonal trio (5 drops of Peppermint, 5 drops of Lemon, 5 drops of Lavender) in a capsule every 4 hours OR check out our new Season Essentials to help with those irritating seasonal issues.  Its our newest blend!!!!

I am currently sitting in the hospital with my mom who is 94 next week.  She is my health mentor and has taught me so much about living naturally but she put her hand on a stack of books to steady herself when she was bringing food to the table and the books slipped out from under her and she went down too.  As I have been sitting in the hospital with her all week, trying to navigate next steps with a parent who needs much care, I went to add this order to my account.  Not only is our Cortistop supplement needed to help me handle the emotional stress and rising cortisol levels that this is causing in my body, but I am placing an order for Trauma Life to help with just the taxing issues that will be surfacing as we move forward as a family.  Have you heard of Trauma Life?  It is great to apply to your newborn babies after birth because it is incredibly traumatic being born, and everything else from witnessing something traumatic to experiencing something traumatic or the loss of a loved one, a career, a home, or just the dream of a life that you no longer have.  

Our next oil spotlight is KUNZEA.  You may not have heard of this oil but it is a beauty!  

Cecilia Bruce-Okrzesik

Young Living Gold Leader

You are receiving this email because you are part of our Young Living organization.  This is for educational purposes only, this is not a solicitation.  If you are local in Northern IL/Southern WI there is a free class on Women's Hormone Health at Silver Lake Beach, Silver Lake WI, we would love for you to join us on the beach and bring a friend! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/349969336707

It is June, the month I became a part of the group that no one wants to belong too.  June 9th was the day I gave birth to my oldest daughter and 16 years later, June 30th is the day I found her limp in my home.  I decided to share this part of my personal journey through grief because we are currently living in a hurting world.  Some days seem hopeless, some days seem so grim.  Many people have lost loved ones, friends, co-workers, children, spouses and we all need a little hope to cling to, an encouragement, a kind word to soothe our soul, a friend to talk to.  We may only be connected through me being your upline in Young Living, but if after reading my story you need someone to talk to, please reach out.   We all need a comforting ear.     

Many of you have had your Young Living account for a good while, and some have just started.  For me, it was 10 years ago that I had a good friend ask me to come to her house to hear about essential oils.  I had tried two cheap oils from the health food store years prior to that, and had such terrible reactions that I had to go to the emergency room three times in a week before I knew what was causing my reaction.  After the last ER visit, I figured I was allergic to essential oils and vowed never to use them again.  Fast forward to when my friend asked me to come to her house, I was a  stressed out, grieving, widowed mom, who had also just lost her 16 year old daughter tragically, was homeschooling 4 other kids, and cleaning houses to make ends meet.  The last thing I wanted to do was to go listen to a talk about essential oils that had given me such terrible reactions.  But, because I am a loyal friend, I agreed to come and at least give it a listen.  

Have you ever had one of those unexpected experiences that rock your world?  That night was mine.  I "bitterly" listened through the class that was being taught on essential oils not really paying much attention, but before the lady who was teaching was through, she talked about emotions and how pure essential oils, distilled properly, reach the limbic region of the brain and can help us overcome deep emotional trauma and more.  Immediately I started to listen more intently because I had a daughter who was not doing well emotionally after loosing her older sister and I didn't want to medicate her but I was at a loss on how to help her. I too, was struggling with so many triggers from all the loss and trauma we had experienced, that I was interested in what she had to say.  Could this be something that could help myself and my kids?  I didn't have a lot of extra money at the time, but I wanted to see if these little bottles of oils could help my daughter and possibly even myself.  So I asked a lot of questions before the end of the class and sought this woman's input on what oil to try first for my daughter who was struggling so deeply and she suggested the oil of JOY.  It has many properties to uplift the mind, calm deep struggles and rewire pathways of damaged connections from trauma.  I signed up and ordered this gem in a bottle and I skeptically applied it to my daughters pillow case for several days when she was out of her room.  I chose not to tell anyone else in the house what I was doing to see if anyone else noticed.  Within days, her siblings started to ask why she was smiling, why she was happy and not so distant and angry, and why she was in a better mood.  

I have to say that I was stunned, I really didn't think the oils could work like that.  I thought they were just a pretty scent to be put in a diffuser.    I bought a desk reference that had all the in-depth information in it on every one of Young Livings oils and I proceeded to look up every issue that came up in our home.  I started to learn how the oils work cellularly, how cheap oils do not work the same in our bodies and with our emotions and how when they are not grown or distilled properly, it can cause the terrible reactions I had experienced years prior.  I kept seeing the oils work over and over again for all the little ailments that popped up in our home, so the next test was ME and my thoughts, fears and traumatic memories.  My many emotional triggers and traumas, I thought,   was a feat that was too big to tackle, but I had had so much success in just months of using the oils that I was purchasing, that I decided that it was time to work on this grieving mamas heart.  

Have you ever been so scared of something happening and then having it actually come to fruition? That was my life.  I had always been terrified of loosing a child, and after having been widowed and left with 5 small children, I thought I had been through the worst of things, not realizing that there was something far worse than loosing a spouse, but your own child.  

We all grieve differently and I thankfully had 4 other children in the home when my oldest daughter died, so I didn't have much time to reflect or think or process, I just had to get up and take care of my other children daily, not realizing that those unchecked emotions catch up to you after a while.  So, after seeing great success with the emotions of my middle daughter and so many other ailments in our home, I decided to do a test on myself with the oils.  When I first got my starter kit, I detested the smell of Frankincense.  It was repulsive to me.  Upon studying and using the oils daily, I had read that the oils you can't stand the smell of, are the oils you need the most.  So I started reading up on Frankincense and found that it was the number one oil for trauma.  Trauma was my first name at that point in my life, so I grabbed a calendar and made note of when I started this experiment.  I knew that the bottom of the big toe was the brain reflex and I knew our emotions and trauma affect our brains, so I put one drop on the bottom of each of my big toes nightly for 2 1/2 months and journaled along the way how I felt and my struggles.  I was stunned to find that the two biggest triggers in my life at the time that I could never seem to shake, were now non-existent.  I could not believe that I had conquered those feelings and emotions with a little bottle of oil.  

This realization rocked my world and it was at that moment that I just couldn't keep my mouth shut about all that these oils could do.  I shared high and wide about what a gift they were and started the journey of helping people transform their lives, one drop at a time.    

Did you know - 6th edition Essential Oil Desk Reference