I can remember the day I decided I was done feeling sorry for myself.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I had some pretty good reasons to feel that way! 😂
I had recently been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and life as I knew it had been turned upside down.
Literally overnight, I went from being a busy mom of three, working and taking care of my family, to being unable to work or even drive. I was experiencing double vision, optic neuritis, and difficulty walking. My body was doing things I didn’t understand, and quite frankly, I was scared.
To make things even more challenging, Rob had started traveling across the country for work, often gone for 8–10 days at a time.
And there I was. Three kids at home, a body I couldn’t count on, and absolutely no idea how I was supposed to manage it all.
I cried every time he left.
I felt overwhelmed, alone, and completely inadequate.
How was I supposed to take care of my family when I wasn’t even sure I could take care of myself?
Looking back, I had a pretty serious case of the poor me’s.
Something Had to Change
I can’t tell you that I woke up one morning with some magical burst of positivity.
But I do remember reaching my limit.
I was unhappy. All. The. Time.
And honestly, I was becoming someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. Someone I didn’t particularly like.
I was so caught up in everything that had gone wrong and everything I couldn’t do that it was starting to consume me.
And I was tired of it.
Tired of being scared. Tired of feeling helpless. Tired of being poor, pitiful me!
I couldn’t change my diagnosis or make my symptoms disappear. But I realized I could change what I chose to focus on.
So I made a decision.
Instead of spending every day mourning everything I could no longer do, I was going to start paying attention to the things I still could.
It sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it certainly didn’t happen overnight.
Celebrating the Little Things
My symptoms hadn’t magically disappeared, but I started looking at my days differently.
Some days, my victory was getting a load of dishes done. Other days, it was making supper, cleaning the floor, or helping one of the kids work through a problem.
Things I had once done without giving them a second thought suddenly became little victories worth celebrating.
And you know what?
The more I looked for those little victories, the more I started finding them.
Instead of ending the day feeling defeated by everything I hadn’t done, I could recognize what I had accomplished.
And slowly, I started getting something back that I’d been missing.
My confidence.
I began to realize that I was still capable. I could still contribute to my family. I was still there for my kids, even if the way I did things looked a little different.
And as that confidence grew, I began feeling more like myself again. I was finding purpose in the things I could do, and with that came a little more happiness, too.
Life wasn’t what I had planned, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t still be a good life.
The Way We Talk to Ourselves Matters
One thing I’ve learned over the years is just how much the way we talk to ourselves matters.
Think about the difference between these two thoughts:
I can’t do anything anymore.
Or…
I might not be able to do everything I used to, but what CAN I do today?
Same circumstances. Two very different ways of looking at them.
And believe me, I’ve had plenty of conversations with myself that weren’t exactly helpful! 😂
It’s easy to get caught up in the why me’s. I’ve certainly asked those questions!
But I’ve learned that sometimes there aren’t answers, and dwelling on those questions doesn’t necessarily help me move forward.
So I try to ask myself something different.
What can I do with what I have today?
And I think that question applies to so much more than living with MS.
We all face challenges we can’t control. But sometimes changing where we put our attention helps us recognize possibilities we were overlooking.
Not because the hard stuff disappears, but because it isn’t the only thing we see anymore.
A Positive Mindset Doesn’t Mean Every Day Is Good
Now, before anyone thinks I’ve mastered this whole positive mindset thing, let me assure you that I haven’t! 😂
It’s still a work in progress.
I have days when MS frustrates the heck out of me. I work hard to build strength and stamina, only to experience a setback and have to start rebuilding again.
And yes, sometimes I still have a little pity party.
I think we’re allowed those moments.
Having a positive mindset doesn’t mean pretending everything is wonderful when it isn’t. Sometimes life is just plain hard, and we need to acknowledge that.
The difference for me now is that I try not to stay stuck there.
And after all these years, it has gotten easier. Not necessarily the setbacks themselves, but recognizing when I’m slipping into that old way of thinking and finding my way back.
I’ve also learned that a little humor goes a long way!
Because let me tell you, MS has put me in some pretty ridiculous situations.
Like the time I lost my balance and literally fell right into my cousin! We were both so surprised that it took a moment before we started laughing. 😂
Or the time my hand suddenly jerked while I was holding a glass of water, and I ended up throwing water all over my daughter!
Everyone got a good laugh out of that one, too.
Sometimes you just have to laugh at the ridiculous things life throws your way. Or, apparently, the things you throw at your daughter! 😂
Because if I couldn’t laugh at some of these situations, I’d probably spend an awful lot more time crying.
And I’d much rather laugh when I can.
People sometimes tell me that I inspire them. And while I truly appreciate those words, I don’t really think of myself that way.
I’m just trying to live the best life I can, for as long as I can.
I didn’t develop a positive mindset because life became easier. It’s something I’ve had to work at, and something I still work at today.
Some days it comes naturally. Other days, I have to remind myself of that decision I made all those years ago.
But I don’t want to spend my life waiting for
everything to be perfect before I allow myself to enjoy it.
Because life can still be pretty darn good, even when it doesn’t look anything like what we had planned.
What Are You Counting?
It’s easy to get caught up in what’s missing and overlook what’s still good.
But those little victories, the laughter, and the ordinary moments matter, too.
For me, it started with a load of dishes, a meal on the table, and the realization that I still had so much to give.
I couldn’t change everything MS had taken from me. But I could stop letting those losses be the only things I counted.
And that decision changed the way I lived my life.
So I’m curious… what little victory have you celebrated lately?
Thanks for spending a little time with me today.
Wellness doesn’t have to be about fixing yourself. It can start with learning to listen, getting curious, and discovering what support looks like for you.
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