At a Camp Staff Event I asked the Wilderness Leaders what superpower they would like to have? This is a question I have often found intriguing and have heard many great responses. Some would choose super speed, others would choose teleportation or flight. I have heard invisibility, time travel, elasticity, swimming through the air, shape shifting. But the one that remains the most appealing to me is the power to heal. Maybe it is because I have worked hard to regain my health after being diagnosed with chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome when I was in my 20's. Or maybe it is that as a parent, my guys look to me when they are weak and sick wanting me to make them feel better.
I have learned that the human body is a complex marvel... and healing involves our whole self. When I first became sick, I was praying and asking God to show me where the problem was. I figured illness could be physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual in nature - but which one? I wanted a quick fix. Twenty-five years later, I am a lot healthier than I was in my 20's, but I have learned that the answer to my question was 'all of the above. I prayed for an instant miracle, but instead felt gentle nudges to follow a path of healing and slow choices adding up to a healthier life.
This blog will be my place to explore and share some of the processing and learning of these years of searching & gaining a sense of wellness. My quest - to thrive - and to create a community where we can thrive together.
It's ironic that I was asked to prepare a session for our camp leaders in training on conflict resolution. I hate conflict and would rather absorb discomfort than confront social awkwardness and tension. But, regardless of my attempts to dodge it, conflict is just part of life as imperfect people try to work effectively on teams together, partner in marriage and families, or even work with the public.
So, I've concluded that we can avoid it, escalate it, or be part of the solution. We can’t control the actions and responses of other people – but we can control our actions.
Have you ever tried to avoid conflict hoping it would go away?
It tends to get bigger and more complicated. It can drain us of energy and become a strong, invisible force of negative energy that shadows everyone connected to the community in which there is conflict. It’s like having a mouse in your house, if you ignore it, you’ll soon have a whole village. Mice are cute, until they are chewing your electrical cords and joining prayer meetings (true story)... and leaving telltale signs of their presence in your cupboards. Avoidance only works if you don't have to continue to share the house with the mice and decide to let them take over while you move out.
But conflict with people can't be moved away from as easily as a mouse filled house. Even if we don't have to see them again, the tension leaves an emotional toll on our hearts and minds as we try to figure out how that could have gone differently.
“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3
So, avoidance isn't usually a good option unless I've already had several fruitless interactions or the person who hurt me is a abusive and isn't part of my life anymore. Sometimes people just can't see the same situation with understanding and empathy. And some people are so broken they have a hard time relating in a healthy way with anybody. But, if I decide my best step is to move away from the mouse house, I try not to bring any droppings with me. Forgiveness is the only way I know to put down the desire for restitution and let my heart run free.
Generally, we are all in the peace making biz together and conflict resolution is worth the effort. The human community is compared to shared parts of a human body where all are affected by the brokenness and pain of any other part. In the bible, all are called to heal and bind up wounds that exist in the body so we can all function as one team guided by the head - which is Christ. Jesus' teaching centres around love for God, leading to healthy love for others. When we deal with conflict and allow it to mend and bind up broken places in the body, we protect and strengthen the community to function as it was meant to. So, when dealing with conflict it is vital that we deal with it in the right way. If we react in anger and a desire to attack or humiliate or get even or punish in any way, we will make the situation worse.
These are the steps that have often helped me get to the hub of the problem and reveal positive, healing steps.
1.HONESTY -
Pull Back to Calm the emotional waters. Get perspective. No matter how much I am hurt or angry, I need to be still and pray. I take whatever time I need to get perspective on the situation.
Ask: “Why am I angry?” I find, sometimes I may not be angry at what I think I am angry at. I like to turn to a good friend or mentor who can listen impartially and help me make sense of what I'm feeling. Or I write down my thoughts. This is a time to be honest and search the heart. Own up to the mistakes made. It's time to figure out what I did to contribute to the problem and confess that to God. I need to check my attitude and pray until I can see those I'm angry at as people God loves and who are worthy of respect. If I hold onto pride and think of anyone as ‘lower’ that myself, I'm not ready to be part of the solution. A heart that is humble and gentle is a heart God will use to bring peace in the midst of conflict. So, time to open the heart and ask for self control and grace.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” Colossians 3:12-15a
Step 2: UNDERSTAND
My experience tells me that no matter how much I think I completely understand the conflict, I might not. There is often another side that I don’t fully understand, and those I'm in conflict with won’t likely be open to connecting until they feel ‘heard’. So, once my heart is in the right place, it's time to go to those I'm in conflict with and listen hard to understand their point of view.( Note: if you feel unsafe going back to the person who hurt you, bring a mentor to mediate.) The purpose of meeting is not to blast them out of the water or tell them how upset I am. The first move is to seek to understand. This may pave the way for those who I offended to want to hear and understand too. So, this is time to just listen and only ask questions to gain clarity. I must not interrupt or correct them. I coach myself to "just listen. Listen to their heart and try to put yourself in their shoes. Be patient and bear with them, even if what they’re saying is driving you crazy. Remember, if you hear them out, they are more likely to hear you". When it is my turn to communicate, I tread softly. Attacking or generalizing or exaggerating will make things worse. I talk about how an interaction made me feel and how I understood what was going on, while affirming that I now see why the other person saw it differently. I try to clarify what I heard them say and offer empathy. It is so easy to say something hurtful and inflame the already tender situation. These situations don't always end with reconciliation. But, even if I feel attacked, I bite my tongue to keep from lashing back. Self control is so important... and if mine is running low, I ask God for more – it is one of the fruits God’s Spirit can grow in us. When it is tempting to bark out harsh words, I remember who I want to be as a peacemaker and as a sower of kindness and care and try not to descend into nastiness. Expressing my intention to be good to others and mend brokenness helps me to focus on “I” and “me” statements, not “YOU” accusations.
Examples: “It hurt me when you didn’t communicate with me before making that decision.” NOT “You should have asked me before you did it. You always act alone.” “It was hard for me when my ideas were put down. It made me not want to contribute to this team.” NOT: “You made me feel like crap when you put my idea down. You are mean.” “I have a different way of approaching that problem.” NOT: “You drive me crazy with your way of approaching problems. It’ll never work.”
In the ‘understanding’ phase, the goal isn't to find solutions. It’s all about gaining an accurate picture of the issues and problems and hopefully both parties owning their part in it.
3. BE Part of the Solution This is a good time for another attitude check. The desire to get even and punish will railroad any attempts at moving forward in a healthier way. To be part of the solution, we can't still part of the problem. Asking God’s help to forgive and to be open to reconciliation – to repairing the damage done so you can work together is crucial. This doesn’t mean we will now be best buddies, but it does mean that I no longer want to hurt them or hold power over them. When we want what is best for both of us, we’re ready to work at finding a solution that will be a win-win for everybody.
Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas are psychologists who have recognized that we have different languages for apologies. If you don’t include the other person’s language, any attempt to make things right will feel weak and unacceptable.
Here’s the five apology languages they discovered:
1. Expressing regret – “I’m sorry”
2. Accepting responsibility – “I was wrong.”Let them know you understand why they would be upset.
3. Making restitution – “What can I do to make it right?”
4. Genuinely repenting – “I’ll try not to do that again.”(Check in later to tell them what change has been made to keep it from happening again.)
5. Requesting forgiveness – “Will you please forgive me?”
At this point you may feel the whole situation was just a big misunderstanding and be happy to continue to work together. But it's possible that there will still be some anger or a cool response. It's also possible that the relationship is so unhealthy it cannot work without big change and trust building. We can’t control other people – we can only do what we can to contribute to peace. The goal is to be free of the burden and shadow of the conflict by acting faithfully to honour God and the community. Treating the person with kindness and respect (including good boundaries) may bring peace in us and good fruit may yet come of it.
"You are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it... If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.” I Corinthians 12:26-27
Relationships can be easy -" I like people that make me like them, it saves so much work" (LM Montgomery's Aunt Josephine). But I've often found relating to a wide variety of people both rewarding and one of the biggest forces of personal growth. Let's keep working at creating a community where all are part of "us" and no one is relegated to a distant land of "them".
Essential Oils are not regulated in North America. This means that as long as there is some essential oil in a bottle, it can be labelled 100% pure essential oil - even if there is only 5% oil and some chemical or synthetic extenders. It is not mandatory to label other ingredients used in the processing of the oil or the growing of the plant. Essential oils are so concentrated that even a small amount of chemical fertilizer or pesticide used in growing becomes much a large percentage when distilled. So how do we navigate the shopping malls to find therapeutic, natural, safe, effective products?
I was excited when I was learning about natural ingredients like lavender, arnica and calendula that these ingredients were on the labels of some Yves Rocher products available. They are a company that specializes in botanicals, so I assumed they were always choosing the best ingredients available to put in their body lotions, soaps, and cosmetics. Seventh Generation products are based on the philosophy that they are planning ingredients for their products with the next seven generations in mind. I love that. But both company's put Sodium Laurel Sulfates in their dish detergent, shampoos, and body washes. I want my shopping experience to be easy - to trust brands to do the homework for me so that I don't have to read every ingredient list. Unfortunately, because companies aren't forced to issue warnings on products that contain ingredients that Health Canada has issued warnings about, we are left in the dark unless we do some homework.
For years, every winter my hands would be cracked and bleeding they were so dry from the soaps I was using. Changing to a healthy hand soap has meant no more need for daily moisturizer before I head out the door. I've always hated housework - it meant stirring up allergies and making my skin irritated. I didn't know it was the products I was using that were so harsh.
So, let's get educated on what to avoid in our shopping aisles.
+Chemical Fragrance:
Often just listed as "fragrance" or "parfum." Short term toxicity can include coughing, skin irritation, rash, wheezing, headaches, nausea, vomiting, and irritability. Long term toxicity can include cancer, lung disease, heart disease and reproductive disorders. In most products tested it was a hormone disrupter.
Found in: scented candles, perfumes, lotions, cleaning products and more
+Triclosan:
Used in many formulations as an antibacterial agent to prevent or reduce bacterial contamination and registered as a pesticide by the EPA. Topical absorption of triclosan has shown disturbances to the endocrine system, and is believed to lead to birth defects and uncontrollable cell growth
Found in: soaps, deodorants, cosmetics, shave gel, first aid spray, kitchenware and children’s toys.
+Phthalates:
A low cost endocrine disrupting chemical that in lab studies has shown to interfere with hormone production in rats and mimic estrogen in human studies.
Found in: plastic food packaging, lotions, skin moisturizers, fragrance, cleaners, glues and nail polish.
+Formaldehyde:
This is a known carcinogen and recognized as such by the Cancer Institute. Exposure can cause eye irritation, asthmatic response, skin irritation, headaches and nausea. Long term effects include cancer and possibly leukemia. Although products generally contain small amounts, when this chemical is used in many common everyday household items in addition to being present in our wood, sheetrock and furniture, our exposure adds up. To make things even more alarming, this isn’t an easy ingredient to find. The ingredient is often listed as it’s fragmented names Methanal, Formalin, Oxymethline, Urea, 1,3-Dioxentane, Quaternium 15, Methylaidehyd, Methylene Oxi, Formic Aldehyhy, Oxmethane F, Phenol Formal.
Found in: baby shampoo, pet shampoo, shampoo and conditioner, body wash, sunblocks, cosmetics, baby wipes, toothpaste, some cleaners and more
For a handy little wallet sized shopping guide see www.DavidSuzuki.org/whatsinside
David Suzuki expands the list to include: BHA and BHT, Coal tar dyes, Cycolmenticone and Siloxanes, Dibutyl Phthalate, Parabens, Petrolatum, PEG, Sodium Laureth Sulfate or Sodium Lauryl Sulfates (SLS).
My friend, Kimberley led me to a tool that is quick and easy to use even while I shop. There is an app that installs on your phone to rate products for safety. The 'EWG Healthy Living' app is an easy way to learn about the potentially toxic ingredients like hormone disrupters and carcinogens in your cosmetics and personal care products. Just scan the product barcode and 'Think Dirty' will give you easy-to-understand info on the product, its ingredients and display the warnings from Health Canada and other health organizations! Although it is focussed on beauty and personal products you can look up the ingredients that are in your household cleaners or for products that aren't in the database. This app has been featured in The National Post, Time Magazine and TED Blog as well as many other media outlets. This app is a great shopping companion to ensure that the products you put on your skin and bring in your home are supporting your goals to live healthier.
If you find all of this just too much work in a busy life, you can choose to trust companies that have earned it. Every product our team has tested with the Think Dirty App from Young Living has come out as a three or lower. No safety concerns. Young Living takes health seriously and only puts their seal on a bottle of oil or a product they have made after it has passed their rigorous seed to seal process. They have supplements, essential oils, soaps, household cleaners, cosmetics, lotions and more that are not only free of harmful chemicals, but are formulated for their therapeutic value. They support the systems of the body in maintaining balance and optimum wellness.
So, when navigating the shopping aisle, don't be deceived by marketing that has jumped on the aromatherapy band wagon. Pull out your app, read your labels and stay in control as the gatekeeper of your home. Shop to Thrive.
September 2018
We have been fighting a cough around here since Nate and James came home from camp. Camp is awesome, but lack of sleep and changes in environment and diet can do that. James' cough cleared up with rest, probiotics, and our immune support roller - a blend of Thieves essential oil, RC Eucalyptus blend EO, and Lemon EO mixed with coconut oil in a roller bottle. But though we were able to loosen Nate's cough with the same protocols, it never went away and even shifted to lingering sinus congestion.
A trip to our Naturopath confirmed allergies to mold, dairy, wheat and peanuts. He has been gluten free for awhile and had a few years when he was young of avoiding dairy and peanuts. The allergies were back and creating excess mucous and distress in his body and clogging up the path to healing. So, now we are eliminating the allergens and switching up our immune support to a roller of tea tree oil, helichrysum, copaiba and rosemary since we have been using the others for several weeks. It's good to vary essential oils for effectiveness.
My teammate Krista identified 39 Young Living oils last night that have been approved by Health Canada for their cold and flu busting properties. I don't have all thirty-nine, but I have enough of these little bottles at my fingertips to create a good first line of defense.
Chronic sinusitis in my teen years led to overuse of antibiotics throwing off the balance of good bacteria in my body. Chronic Fatigue and yeast overgrowth in the digestive tract led to 8 years of sidelining sickness. My health has never fully returned. So I want to try another path with my boys. I will use antibiotics when I need them... but I'll try a more natural approach first. Today is better than yesterday. Hopefully we are now on our way.
Essential oils are distilled from shrubs, flowers, trees, roots, brushes, fruit, rinds, resins and herbs."The power of an essential oil lies in its constituents. Each oil is composed of 200-500 different bioconstituents, which make them very diverse in their effects" (p.17, Essential Oils Pocket Reference, Life Science Publishing).
The purity of an oil can be affected by a vast number of variables, including which part of the plant was used, soil condition, geographical region, climate, altitude, harvesting methods and distillation processes. "The key to producing a therapeutic grade oil is to preserve as many of the delicate aromatic components within the essential oil as possible" (LSP, p.21). The plant should also be free of herbicides and other agrichemicals. This is especially important in distilling essential oils because they are so concentrated. To make one ounce of rose oil, 60 000 rose blossoms are used. Even a small amount of pesticide or weed killer used in the growing stage would build up a lot of toxicity by the time it is multiplied by the amount of plant material needed to create the essential oil. If the oil is not organic, it may have chemicals present that may harm rather than support the body's efforts to heal. Also, though the bottle of oil may say 100% pure essential oil, it may not be organic and it may not have the components needed to be therapeutic.
What does this mean for consumers?
Today, for example, much of the lavender oil sold in America is a hybrid called lavandin. This is commonly heated to evaporate the camphor, mixed with synthetic linalyl acetate to improve the fragrance and then sold as lavender oil. Most consumers are happy to buy it for a much cheaper price in the grocery store. It's hard to tell whether the oils on the shelf are therapeutic. There are few labelling regulations for EOs.
Unfortunately, adulterated and mislabelled essential oils may present dangers for consumers causing burns, rashes and skin irritations. One woman who had heard of the ability of lavender oil to heal burns used 'lavender oil' she purchased from a health food store in the US when she spilled boiling water on her arm. But the pain intensified and the burn worsened. She later complained that lavender oil was worthless for healing burns. When her lavender oil was analyzed, it was found to be lavandin, a hybrid of lavender that is biologically different from pure Lavandula Augustifolia. Lavandin contains higher levels of camphor (7-18%) that may burn skin. In contrast, true lavender contains almost no camphor and has burn-healing agents (LSP, p.25). For my chemistry friends, its key constituents are: Linalyl acetate (21-47%), Linalol (23-46%), Cis-Beta-Ocimene (1-8%), Trans-Beta-Ocimene (1-5%), Terpinen-4-ol (1-8%) (LSP, p. 83). Life Science Publishing puts out a great Essential Oils Pocket Reference that lists constituents for each of their oils as well as medical properties & uses, fragrant influence, and applications (including safe usage tips and any cautions.)
When looking for essential oils, research the company. Where do they get their oils? Do they test their constituents to see that they are within the therapeutic range? Are the oils free of contaminants, pesticides, and additives? Are they transparent with their sourcing and process?
I've been getting my oils from Young Living (YL) and have just decided to be a distributer for them in order to help people take simple and sustainable steps to lasting health. I chose YL because it is the only essential oil company with a seed to seal promise. Seed to Seal means that the seed is selected for optimal levels of desirable compounds, soil is tested to be free of contaminants, the plants are cultivated using sustainable agriculture expertise. Crops are hand-weeded to protect the delicate compounds of the plant, distilled carefully and tested to ensure consistent quality and purity before it earns the YL seal. The process meets standards that are beyond organic. They own farms as well as partnering with distillers that submit samples to be analyzed to ensure purity and that all the constituents are present at the right percentage to be therapeutic .Because the company interacts with end users who purchase essential oils, the company is able to monitor human response to and actual therapeutic benefit of various oils. They compare the constituents of different oils to determine their maximum, health giving potential.
Young Living encourages beginners to purchase a starter kit because it includes teaching resources and all the oils needed to have a solid base for multiple uses in the home: from replacing toxic cleaners and personal care products to supporting health. It also is half the price of buying the oils separately, includes a diffuser and product samples, and lets you gain experience and comfort with some of the most versatile eleven oils chosen by knowledgeable aromatherapists. That's my top pick for beginners buying essential oils. If you want a guide on your journey, I'd love to connect you into a community that has found wellness support for clean homes, vibrant skin and hair, healthy weight loss support, emotional health, and strengthening the body when under attack from viruses through using essential oils. This community regularly offers classes online and in person. You can find that information on my facebook page: thrivewithessentialoils. Let's learn and thrive together!
