As I widen my world with writing, reconnecting and growing an essential oil business, I keep hitting mental barriers that push me to new places of personal growth. To grow my world bigger, I have to increase my capacity. As I use aromatherapy to improve mood and enhance motivation and clarity, I am also growing in awareness of messages that hold me back. They are often linked to a memory or an experience where I told myself something. I've had some experience with this before...
In my twenties, I confronted a vow I made to never need others. As a child, I saw someone ridiculed for being needy - I vowed to never need people like that. I would depend only on God.
Then Lance came along. I was used to wearing strength like armor. I kept everyone at arm's length.
Even after Lance & I revealed our mutual attraction and care, I tried to maintain some emotional distance. We had no commitment beyond friendship for six months.
Then, Lance asked me to commit to a relationship with him with the question: "Do you need me?"
And I was like... "ahhh... well, I like you a lot... you're good for me... I can't imagine not having you in my life... " But need?
Then he pierced my armor with the words: "I just want to know if you need me the way I need you..."
After dropping me off that day, I wrestled with the message in my head. Could I need him without losing my self respect? Would that make me needy?
As I was praying about it, I realized that needing him would mean choosing interdependence over independence. Could I live like that? Did I want to? It would mean considering him in my decision making about how I spent my time and energy - where I placed my priorities. Including him in my life as a partner would change things. Most of all, it would require vulnerability. I could get hurt. I could hurt him... My self protection would need to be dismantled to let him in.
So I started to write him a letter: I talked about the ways my life was better with him in it. Then, I thanked him for the gift he was to me. How, as I talk to him, I know my own thoughts better. How he mirrors for me so many of my own ideals. How his gift of leadership inspires me to be a better leader. How I feel more connected to God and myself as he seeks to know and understand me.
Then I finished the letter by saying:
"Okay, I need you."
On our wedding day I wrote and sang him a song with these lines in it:
"You double my convictions
Breathe hope in my despair
Bring vibrance to the colours and soft music fills the air
I need you.
I'll fly with you, to the places where He leads..."
I've loved the partnership Lance and I have lived - finding a way to need each other and respect each other's ownership of thoughts, self care, personal growth and supporting one another to live our unique callings. It doesn't feel needy. It feels the way life was intended to be - bearing one another's burdens - enhancing one another's joys - and growing into the best version of ourselves - together and side by side!
This year has been time to dig out some more of these limiting thoughts that get in the way of becoming. There is so much more possibility and capacity as I step into new places of clarity and affirmation of God's desires and calling. And Lance is my sounding board, truth speaker, and supportive partner as we parent, manage household matters, and grow into this next chapter of life together. I am so thankful that I don't have to stay stuck in self limiting beliefs - and that none of us do! Let's thrive, friends - together and side by side!
In my twenties, I confronted a vow I made to never need others. As a child, I saw someone ridiculed for being needy - I vowed to never need people like that. I would depend only on God.
Then Lance came along. I was used to wearing strength like armor. I kept everyone at arm's length.
Even after Lance & I revealed our mutual attraction and care, I tried to maintain some emotional distance. We had no commitment beyond friendship for six months.
Then, Lance asked me to commit to a relationship with him with the question: "Do you need me?"
And I was like... "ahhh... well, I like you a lot... you're good for me... I can't imagine not having you in my life... " But need?
Then he pierced my armor with the words: "I just want to know if you need me the way I need you..."
After dropping me off that day, I wrestled with the message in my head. Could I need him without losing my self respect? Would that make me needy?
As I was praying about it, I realized that needing him would mean choosing interdependence over independence. Could I live like that? Did I want to? It would mean considering him in my decision making about how I spent my time and energy - where I placed my priorities. Including him in my life as a partner would change things. Most of all, it would require vulnerability. I could get hurt. I could hurt him... My self protection would need to be dismantled to let him in.
So I started to write him a letter: I talked about the ways my life was better with him in it. Then, I thanked him for the gift he was to me. How, as I talk to him, I know my own thoughts better. How he mirrors for me so many of my own ideals. How his gift of leadership inspires me to be a better leader. How I feel more connected to God and myself as he seeks to know and understand me.
Then I finished the letter by saying:
"Okay, I need you."
On our wedding day I wrote and sang him a song with these lines in it:
"You double my convictions
Breathe hope in my despair
Bring vibrance to the colours and soft music fills the air
I need you.
I'll fly with you, to the places where He leads..."
I've loved the partnership Lance and I have lived - finding a way to need each other and respect each other's ownership of thoughts, self care, personal growth and supporting one another to live our unique callings. It doesn't feel needy. It feels the way life was intended to be - bearing one another's burdens - enhancing one another's joys - and growing into the best version of ourselves - together and side by side!
This year has been time to dig out some more of these limiting thoughts that get in the way of becoming. There is so much more possibility and capacity as I step into new places of clarity and affirmation of God's desires and calling. And Lance is my sounding board, truth speaker, and supportive partner as we parent, manage household matters, and grow into this next chapter of life together. I am so thankful that I don't have to stay stuck in self limiting beliefs - and that none of us do! Let's thrive, friends - together and side by side!
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