Love is the soil out of which healthy life is supported and grows into fullness. It is essential for emotional health. Unconditional love becomes a constant source of security and significance. Without it the soul starves.
Message of unconditional love: “Nothing you can do would make me love you more… and nothing you could do would make me love you less.”
Yet, sometimes our efforts to demonstrate care aren’t received as love! “I do the laundry, I cook dinner, I say kind words… what do you mean you don’t feel loved?!?”
How do we speak “I love you” in language that is received as fuel for the emotional tank.
Our experience of love is all about finding ways to help fill the Emotional Tank:
Learning to speak a person's primary love language radically affects attitudes, behaviour and a sense of security. We behave differently when our love tank is full. As partners, friends, parents, teachers we choose to learn to speak the preferred language of the people we love. Love is a choice to learn to fuel the tank.
Words of Affirmation:
“The tongue has the power of life and death.” The person with this preference is fuelled by appreciation, compliments, & affirmation. One definition of ‘encourage’ is: “to inspire courage.” Criticism will feel harsher to a person with this love language. Be gentle when offering correction or asking for change.
Words of affirmation is one of my favourite ways to give and receive love. At camp, I loved when we made encouragement posters where we put our name in the middle of the page and then passed it around for people to affirm positive things we saw in each other. We called them warm fuzzies - and that is always how I felt when I read over the messages from my peers. I always put up one of these posters in my locker to remind me of my best self when high school started to feel numbing.
How to speak the love language Words of Affirmation:
Compliment them in the presence of others, Affirm their strengths, Brag about your children or your spouse, Study encouragement, Write a love note.
*When it feels foreign to speak this language just remind yourself that this is what makes your loved one feel full. To them, words are important. Your intention matters more than your fluency.
Oils that pair well with this language:
Emotional Support oils + affirmations spoken over us daily.
When you’re feeling:
+ Angry or Negative: Purification - “I release anger and choose laughter”
+ Exhaustion or Pain: PanAway - “I nurture myself”
+ Insecure or Overwhelmed: Valor - “God is with me and gives me strength & courage”
+ Fear: Frankincense - “I am valued and directed”
+ Criticized or Nervous: Lavender - “I receive unconditional love & acceptance”
+ Sad: Joy - “the Spirit of Joy is my strength and my song”
+ Worried or Weak: White Angelica - “a lot of what weighs you down isn’t yours to carry”- “I am protected and shielded from the negative emotions of others.”
+ Stressed or Facing Failure: Peppermint - “I accept growth and peace”
*Diffuse your choice of oils to create a calm space
*Apply to your wrist and/or over your heart or wherever you feel the emotion.
*Put 1-2 drops into your left hand and rub hands together to warm the oil then cup hands over nose and breathe in deeply and out slowly.
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