I am loving reconnecting with long time friends. Today's conversation reminded me of when my boys were little. James has always had a quick mind and would argue a case and bargain with me over almost anything. Eventually I decided that though I encourage discussion and would listen to his reasoning, I needed him to obey first. As a three year old, if he was heading for the road after a ball and I called out "Stop," I needed him to obey and then we could talk about it. Obedience was a way of trusting me that I would ask him to do something because it was in his best interests. If it was up for debate, I would ask him questions to invite input.
Well, when James was around four, I saw him hitting his brother because Nathan (one at the time) had knocked down the figures he had carefully set up. When I told him that we don't hit people, he would obey but find other ways to bug. I could see the wheels turning: "I can't hit, but what about a little shove... or a kick. There was no way for me to think of all the ways young boys can wiggle out of obedience on a technicality. This was debating with actions. Then I switched gears.
I changed the rule to "Love each other." There wasn't much wiggle room in that instruction. Was is loving to stick out your tongue - or yell words of hate - or give the silent treatment - or steal another's things? Treating others as we want to be treated gave a clear movement toward respect and care. Jesus' commands are awesome that way. Learning to love starts early and continues to need perfecting all our lives.
Love one another. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Profound simplicity!
SUPPORTING EMOTIONS WITH ESSENTIAL OILS
I have a confession. I have not always respected my emotions. From childhood, I was wired to experience life through my emotions first. Logic kicked in after to help me make sense of them. This made me extremely sensitive to cues from people around me. This meant that I would take an hour or two at the end of the day to sift and interpret those signals – a raised eyebrow or a scowl - a relieved glance or a sad look on the face of one who was excluded. I would create and recreate scenarios in my head to explore possibilities for changes I could make - a tone of voice, a line of humour, correcting behaviours to satisfy my conscience and fit in better with the tribes at school.
Then a trauma entered my life that had to stay silent and hidden. So emotionally, I learned how to distance myself from my feelings to appear happy and normal even when my heart was hurting. I didn’t want emotions to betray me and reveal the shame deep inside. I pushed my emotions away – at least the ones I saw as dangerous (anger, fear, desire, need, sadness). Trauma teaches that vulnerability is dangerous… Thankfully, as an adult, I landed in a safe place to live authentically, heal and become.
In marrying Lance, I gained a partner who experiences life first through reason and then emotion. Our partnership has been invaluable as I learn to accept my emotions as a strength to be shaped and guided. It was in my healthy marriage, and with a few great friends, that I rediscovered the power of emotions to signal me about need for change.
Anger often meant that a boundary was crossed – I was being driven or someone was pushing me to give something I didn’t want to give or trying to manipulate or pressure me in some way. I had to learn that it is not unloving to value ourselves and teach people how to treat us well. Boundaries are important as we navigate relationships. We learn to care for other’s needs and respect them (a need for silence, a step back, or giving them a voice to tell their preferences, beliefs, opinions and make their own decisions even when we disagree…) and ask for the same courtesy. Was there something to change or acknowledge that would lead to healthier relating? Anger was a clue.
Sadness was a clue about loss – a loss of a friendship, a feeling of being silenced or disregarded, or personal neglect of the soul’s needs. Was I silencing my soul to focus on pleasing others or trying to accomplish great things or perfectionistic to-do lists… was there a need to reconnect with God, others, and my core? Was I lacking authentic connections with loved ones? Had I withdrawn again? Depression is linked to isolation. What change needs to happen to tend well the garden of the soul?
Though emotions are helpful, I was very aware that they can’t lead my responses. Emotions need to be listened to, and then led to gain healthier ground. So how do we stay in the driver seat?
This post will focus on some supportive measures to help us manage well our emotional life. With deep trauma, essential oils may provide some support to assist the other measures taken to find wellness – counselling, therapy, healthy community, medical support. We all need to find the support we need to move toward wholeness.
A quick disclaimer before we get started: I am not a doctor, I'm a wife and home-school Mom - trying to do what's best for our family and choosing to be in the driver’s seat with my own health! Any information and advice given is just me sharing my journey and research and is meant to help educate and inform, not to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
How can oils benefit our emotions?
The olfactory nerves at the top of the nose are connected directly to the limbic centre of the brain where emotions are stored. This means inhaling essential oils can penetrate cell membranes and cross the brain-blood barrier within SECONDS. Essential oils are small enough to communicate with human cells and move through blood vessels. These oils support the body to come back into balance without harmful side effects. They can have a powerful influence over how we feel and many have stress relieving properties. Simply inhaling oils can be effective.
Emotional trauma can be defined as “any situation where you got less than you needed and were not equipped to process it.” These traumas actually get stored deep within our cellular memory in the brain's centre - the amygdala - which is affected best by scent. A New York University study found the only way to release fear from the amygdala (part of the limbic system) is through smell.
Essential oil compounds can actually work to repair and reprogram cellular memory!
+The limbic system of the brain is primarily responsible for our emotional life but also controls functions like adrenaline flow, behavior, motivation, long-term memory, and olfaction. So a scent can signal the body to restore balance. Essential oil fragrances release molecules that help stimulate or motivate, uplift or calm.
It’s easy to connect the dots between memory and scent. The smell of fresh salty air can trigger memories of restful beach vacations or the opposite - hard work if fishing was your livelihood. The smells of nature leave me feeling uplifted and energized, so I often find fresh minty or grounding scents affect me like a walk through the woods... Though taking time for a walk through the woods is important for emotional health, too, right?
Each of us find certain fragrances help us to release tension or awaken joy responses. This can be very individualized. But this post will focus on general characteristics of certain oils and how they may be helpful. Experimentation will be needed to find what works for you.
TRIGGERS AND FORMING NEW PATHS
What if a scent triggers a negative memory and emotion?
When a scent triggers a negative memory, it can help raise it from an unconscious body response to a conscious awareness. This awareness is what helps us begin to process the emotion in a healthy way. Emotions need to be digested to extract what is beneficial and let the rest pass through to release it from the body.
Have you ever responded emotionally in a way that puzzles you? The response was much bigger than the immediate situation called for. Something mildly frustrating or stressful becomes full out anger. We can lash out at those we love without meaning them any harm. Stepping back to examine our overblown response can help us get in the driver’s seat. Many times I have had to go back to my husband and children to apologize for my comment or emotion and explain that it was not them… but something triggered in me that I need to work out.
If you’re not sure where to start with your own emotions, start by looking at the behavior that triggered the outburst. Often, we are most irritated by the problems we subconsciously recognize in ourselves but react to in other people. Maybe it’s a loss of control or something unresolved in you that you are forced to face in a loved one.
My firstborn used to trigger my own sense of helplessness and fear of failure when he would give up easily facing a school task. I knew he could perform it, but he would quickly opt for the phrase: “I can’t.” I couldn’t do the task for him, but I couldn’t leave him stuck… so I would get frustrated with my own lack of clarity and control and also want to give up… but I was his teacher, so I couldn’t. When I didn’t know what to do, my frustration would peak. I could make a vulnerable moment for my child a lot worse by getting angry at him for it. Leaving the task that was frustrating us both for a while was the best way to get perspective. I would discuss the scenario with Lance and we would come up with some healthy ways to handle that moment when it came up again. Now, I pull out the diffuser as we work and stretch to learn new things. It can change the atmosphere and ready us for the challenge.
So, how can oils help?
Take the awareness of one emotion, one situation, one memory and look for an oil that will be beneficial - Sadness, Anger, Fear, Insecurity, Confusion, Stress.
Take your chosen oil and apply it to your wrists and the back of your neck. Then cup your hands over your nose and breathe deeply.
Focus on your emotion and what triggered it. You may want to journal or say it out loud to give it a conscious space. Naming fear or anger or sadness is part of addressing it. Hold it and then focus on letting it go (if you are a praying type, picture releasing it to God and asking God to guide and lead you with it). Then visualize or pray for the opposite spirit or emotion to fill the space– joy, courage, confidence, clarity, wisdom, peace. I like to picture the fruits of God’s Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – because these are often the attributes I need. My imagination is helpful here as I picture how the change of emotion could calm my heart rate, ease my tension and create a fresh canvas of possibilities.
If you are working through a deep-seated memory or a deep rut that your brain has often travelled, this will be an emotion that is easily triggered and will need repeated attention, consistency, supportive relationships, and time. Essential oils may be helpful alongside other therapeutic strategies. I like creating an emotional support routine that I do daily for one month and then re-evaluate and change up oils as I figure out new areas of focus. This graphic suggests one routine you could embrace for a month. Or use oils you have on hand from the lists at the bottom of the blog. The Premium Starter Kit oils are all full of stress reducing properties.
GUT HEALTH
You might think that it’s strange to talk about your digestive system when discussing emotions. But the truth is, your gut and your brain are tightly connected and they communicate back and forth all day long!
The impact of poor gut health on the functioning of the brain has been scientifically linked to a range of illnesses including ADHD, autism, chronic fatigue, OCD, anxiety and depression.
Good or “friendly” bacteria help keep our gut healthy, aid in digestion, control metabolism, reduce toxins, absorb nutrients and keep our immune system running.
The hormones secreted during a stress response contribute to the overgrowth of bad bacteria.
So poor gut health can actually contribute to increased negative emotions!
“Let food be thy medicine,” said Hippocrates. The first steps in getting your gut healthy are eating whole, nutrient rich foods and drinking plenty of water.
A probiotic like Life 9 can be so beneficial. My chiropractor was told at a conference of natural practitioners that a probiotic of at least 15 billion per day is important to maintain adult health.
Ningxia Red also has a gentle cleansing and nourishing effect on the digestive system. I am testing out the digestive cleanse protocol from the book “Inner Transformations Using Essential Oils” by Deardeuff.
DIGIZE essential oil blend is the natural choice to support digestion. It contains Tarragon, Ginger, Peppermint, Juniper, Fennel, Lemongrass, Anise, and Patchouli. At first thought an oil blend designed for digestive discomfort may not come to mind when talking about oils and emotions. But for those who's emotional stress plays a big part in stomach discomfort this would be a great oil for you to look into! Because the gut communicates back and forth with the brain, Digize can ease stomach distress which translates to less stress. Digestive health communicates wellness and comfort to the whole body.
+ Make a roller of 8 drops Digize EO and 6 drops Peppermint EO in a glass 10 ml roller bottle and top up with a carrier oil. Roll over the abdomen right to left in the direction of the colon and massage it in daily or as needed for digestive support.
+ Combine 7 drops of Digize EO with 7 drops of Lavender EO in a 10 ml roller bottle with carrier oil for travel anxieties. Apply on stomach and wrists while travelling long distances.
SOME FAVOURITES FOR EMOTIONS
BERGAMOT:
Uplifting and relaxing, it is good for building confidence and enhancing your mood.
Helps Release Feelings Of:
Low spirits and fatigue.
Stress and anxiousness.
Nervous tension.
Helps Promote Feelings Of:
Sedation and relaxation.
Joy
Freshness
Energy
Ways To Use:
+ Place a few drops on a washcloth and place it over your chest while taking a hot shower.
+ Massage over the abdomen. (Possible sun sensitivity).
+ Diffuse in the mornings for an energetic start or simply put a drop in your hands, cup over nose and mouth, and breathe slowly.
+ Put in the diffuser for bedtime relaxation.
WORRIED DAYS
For anxious feelings, there are a number of great oils that are supportive tools to help support us in the ways that we need.
Peace & Calming - a blend that promotes relaxation and emotional well-being
Stress Away - a vanilla lime blend that lives up to its name as it chases the stress away
Frankincense - relaxes muscles and uplifts spirits while being a favourite for skin care
Lavender - calming, relaxing, balancing - great for skin
Copaiba - calming and skin care
Cedarwood - calming and hair care
Vetiver - grounding, calming, stabilizing
Valor - calming, inspiring scent
White Angelica - relaxing aroma that may enhance a sense of protection
To apply:
+ Diffuse individually or in pairs
+ Apply topically (according to dilution ratios - peel back label to read) to temples, back of neck, along the spine or to the bottom of the feet including the big toe
+ Apply to wrists... or to hands and cup over nose while inhaling deeply.
Favourite Roller-bottle Combinations:
1. Cedarwood, Lavender, Stress Away
2. Lavender, Frankincense, Copaiba
3. Stress Away in a carrier is great by itself
4. Lavender, Peppermint, Stress Away
These rollers can replace the harsh chemical fragrances to create natural perfumes.
Diffuser combos:
Cedarwood with Lavender - great before bed
Orange & White Angelica
Stress Away + Citrus Fresh.
White Angelica.
Release + Purification + Joy.
LOW DAYS
Valor - balances energy and may inspire
Joy - uplifting floral scent
Frankincense - uplifting, grounding aroma
Peace & Calming - helps calm all the moods and prepare the mind for rest (try massaging into feet before bed of yourself and your overactive children)
Bergamot - calming, mood lifting qualities
Ylang Ylang - calms negative energy, great hair tonic, may inspire a sense of peace
Patchouli - relaxing and clarifying
Orange - relaxing, uplifting, refreshing and energizing
+ Diffuse to fill the room and change the mood
+ Dilute and Apply topically to temples, back of neck and behind ears
+ Add several drops to wrist & inhale deeply
+ Add 5-10 drops to 1/2 cup of Epsom salts and mix into a warm bath to deliver magnesium to sore muscles and soothe an irritated and weary soul.
Progessence - apply 1-2 drops daily into wrists or inner arm.
Combine Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, Patchouli and Orange for a female happy hormone blend. These oils have a possible sun sensitivity - wear under clothing when out in the sun.
RELEASING ANGER
Ylang Ylang - may reduce frustration and dispel anger
Roman Chamomile - Stabilize and create emotional balance to address anger
Lavender - soothing and calming
Bergamot - relieves stress and low moods
Orange - promotes feeling of calm
Release - stimulates a sense of peace and emotional well being
Vetiver - grounding, calming, and stabilizing
Peace & Calming
+ Diffuse desired oils
+ Add several drops to Epsom salts and add to a warm bath (oils will float on the water without mixing them with the salts. Oils that can be worn neat are safe without mixing with salts but all others shouldn't be left to come into contact with skin at full strength as they float on top of the water.)
Roller Blend Ratios:
3 drops Bergamot, 1 drop Ylang Ylang - top with carrier oil
1 Chamomile, 2 Bergamot, 2 Orange
3 Orange, 2 Patchouli
Every one of us is different- definitely try various combos topically and diffused consistently as you seek out the best support for You.
My hope is that this post will give you confidence to experiment in finding the right support for emotional wellness in your home. Whether that means changing the mood after a crazy day out, or it means supporting new steps of bravery, my hope is that we will all move beyond survival to thrive in our everydays.
