Okay, I Need You!

Okay, I Need You!
As I widen my world with writing, reconnecting and growing an essential oil business, I keep hitting mental barriers that push me to new places of personal growth. To grow my world bigger, I have to increase my capacity. As I use aromatherapy to improve mood and enhance motivation and clarity, I am also growing in awareness of messages that hold me back. They are often linked to a memory or an experience where I told myself something. I've had some experience with this before...

In my twenties, I confronted a vow I made to never need others. As a child, I saw someone ridiculed for being needy - I vowed to never need people like that. I would depend only on God.

Then Lance came along. I was used to wearing strength like armor. I kept everyone at arm's length.

Even after Lance & I revealed our mutual attraction and care, I tried to maintain some emotional distance. We had no commitment beyond friendship for six months.

Then, Lance asked me to commit to a relationship with him with the question: "Do you need me?"

And I was like... "ahhh... well, I like you a lot... you're good for me... I can't imagine not having you in my life... " But need?

Then he pierced my armor with the words: "I just want to know if you need me the way I need you..."

After dropping me off that day, I wrestled with the message in my head. Could I need him without losing my self respect? Would that make me needy?

As I was praying about it, I realized that needing him would mean choosing interdependence over independence. Could I live like that? Did I want to? It would mean considering him in my decision making about how I spent my time and energy - where I placed my priorities. Including him in my life as a partner would change things. Most of all, it would require vulnerability. I could get hurt. I could hurt him... My self protection would need to be dismantled to let him in.

So I started to write him a letter: I talked about the ways my life was better with him in it. Then, I thanked him for the gift he was to me. How, as I talk to him, I know my own thoughts better. How he mirrors for me so many of my own ideals. How his gift of leadership inspires me to be a better leader. How I feel more connected to God and myself as he seeks to know and understand me.

Then I finished the letter by saying:

"Okay, I need you."

On our wedding day I wrote and sang him a song with these lines in it:
"You double my convictions
Breathe hope in my despair
Bring vibrance to the colours and soft music fills the air
I need you.

I'll fly with you, to the places where He leads..."

I've loved the partnership Lance and I have lived - finding a way to need each other and respect each other's ownership of thoughts, self care, personal growth and supporting one another to live our unique callings. It doesn't feel needy. It feels the way life was intended to be - bearing one another's burdens - enhancing one another's joys - and growing into the best version of ourselves - together and side by side!

This year has been time to dig out some more of these limiting thoughts that get in the way of becoming. There is so much more possibility and capacity as I step into new places of clarity and affirmation of God's desires and calling. And Lance is my sounding board, truth speaker, and supportive partner as we parent, manage household matters, and grow into this next chapter of life together. I am so thankful that I don't have to stay stuck in self limiting beliefs - and that none of us do! Let's thrive, friends - together and side by side!  


Free to Be

I have been struggling for years with questions about productivity, identity and motivation. I'm thankful that my life is structured so that I can ebb and flow with seasons of rest and hustle. I get motivated to write or cook a new recipe for my housemates or take care of my boy's needs or read a book or take a long walk with Cosmo or spend time talking heart to heart with Lance dreaming about next steps together or share a great story for wellness with others or stories of growth with close friends or to make music or listen for God's whispers. 

My priorities move fluidly from day to day - and even throughout the day. I realize this is both a luxury and a puzzle to navigate. I need to time block into my schedule things that matter to me. But I forget to time block fun - connection - personal growth - 'unproductive' things.

When I got sick with CFIDS in my 20's it led to a lot of soul searching. I realized I'd always tied my sense of worth to my accomplishments, busy schedule and being liked. Am I still worthwhile if I can't contribute? There was guilt in being weak or feeling broken. My identity had to be rooted in something unchanging.  I found rest for my soul in recognizing our value to God as a piece of art is valued by the artist - just for being an expression - an image bearer.  

But guilt can still catch me in unguarded moments. Did I waste a day reading? Is my time spent on worthy pursuits? I know the value of rest, but still have a nagging sense that to do nothing or get lost in a book is laziness.

I've found this to be true: Every life is precious - we want to live our best life and live our purpose - but illness, trauma, job loss, COVID can sideline us. But life is still precious - wildly beautiful with possibility. Life has ebbs and flows - embracing a season of rest and healing is as sacred as pressing into a great big dream with everything we've got.

I'm deciding not to ride the guilt train when my mind and body crave quiet. It's part of how I'm made. My privilege each day is to look for where my priorities can be lived out - priorities of love and service in all their expressions - even quiet ones - in my family, my community and the places where I'm planted right now. Being who I'm made to be and offering that to the world is sacred work - productive use of this one wild spacious life. 

Natural Remedy Kit

Each day it feels like we find another way that oils meet our need for natural solutions that really work. Two of my handiest DIYs have been a drop of Lavender essential oil in a teaspoon of rose ointment for first-aid skin needs and a roller with Frankincense and Copaiba for swelling and bruising. These contain our favourite skin-loving oils!


Did you ever get a stye in your eye and feel like it is hard to get rid of, not to mention uncomfortable? Here is my favourite way to clear it. 

Keeping the eye clean is tricky. Here's my routine:
+ Clean eyelash area with Seedlings Baby Shampoo/ Body Wash
+ Use saline* on a cotton swab under the eyelid to clear away any secretions. * Saline - this can be homemade by dissolving 1/8 tsp of Salt in 1 cup of Boiling Water. When cooled, store in a glass container. For a nasal spray, add one drop of Frankincense. I find it handy to keep some in a nasal mist container and some in a dropper bottle.
+ Use Frankincense / Copaiba roller under the eye for healing, calming skincare
+ Use one drop of deluxe eye serum to apply around the eye. Recipe below.

X Don't put essential oils in your eyes or ears. It can sting. If you want to wash oils out of your eye, use a fatty oil like coconut or olive oil instead of water. Water can make it worse.

 
DELUXE EYE SERUM:
+ Add 2 drops each of Frankincense, Lavender and Copaiba to a clean 5ml bottle
+ Fill 1/3 with Grapeseed Oil
+ Top up with Castor Oil
Add a dropper top and swirl to mix well. This can be applied gently to the hollow and the eyelid as desired for nourishing eye care. 

For abrasions, cuts, burns, bug bites, and skin care:
This is where I love using rose ointment with Lavender essential oil. This combo works wonderfully on any skin need we've had. 
+ I use Helichrysum right on open skin, then follow up with rose ointment with Lavender.
+ I put Frankincense / Copaiba around the area on any redness to reduce inflammation
I check regularly to be sure that the redness and discharge is clearing to see if we need medical care. 
+ Lavender is an amazing calming oil for burns. I have often prevented blistering and found the heat taken out of a burn after about fifteen minutes after applying Lavender.

For Digestion:
+ Add 20 drops of Digize and 10 Peppermint to a 10 ml Roller Bottle and top up with carrier oil
This is great for any digestive discomfort.
+ Apply to the stomach area for bloating
+ Apply to the lower abdominal area for slow bowels
+ Roll near the belly button for emotions that are felt in the gut

Rest Well:
+ Hormone Balance is important for rest - we have great options that have stopped night sweats and waking, hot flashes, increased temperature regulation and deepened sleep. Reach out for more info!
+ Lavender, Frankincense, Northern Lights Black Spruce, Stress Away, Cedarwood, Thieves, Orange and Copaiba are all oils I mix and match in my diffuser to calm us at night. Experiment to find your favourite calming blends. 

Muscle & Joint Care:
+Panaway/ Copaiba/ Peppermint - 10 drops each in a 10 ml bottle - top up with carrier oil. 
+ Deep Relief Blend - works great for massage, neck tension, and even as a chest rub. 

Safety in the Summer Sun: 
Protect tender skin with the power of plants with YL's Mineral Sunscreen. This product is reef safe, free from harsh chemicals, and great for children and adults, so the whole family can enjoy the outdoors worry-free. Mineral Sunscreen is made with non-nano zinc oxide to give you confidence and peace of mind that you are choosing the safest sun protection for yourself, your family, and the planet. A little goes a long way with this water-resistant formula, so it's definitely a staple in our households! 

  • Apply liberally to clean, dry skin 15 minutes before sun exposure.
  • Reapply after 80 minutes of swimming or sweating.
  • Reapply immediately after towel drying or at least every 2 hours.
  • Works well to help sun burns heal if you forgot to apply early enough.


Favourite Daily Supplements:
YL combines herbs and essential oils to increase absorption and enhance the benefits of both. Check out the details here: https://m.lfstps.com/Q6sS/fwQ
Super B - for mood and energy
Super D chewable
Sulfurzyme - cleansing toxins and supporting hair, skin and nails
Multigreens - especially when my body is fighting something
Super C - I take extra vitamin C when my immune system is needing extra support

What have you found helpful as needs arise in your household? I love to learn new ways to support the body naturally as it works to recover and heal. 

Emotionally Grounding Prayer

Emotionally Grounding Prayer
I am so aware of the need to create rhythms for mental and spiritual health. For a few years, I've been experimenting with an ancient practice developed by Ignatius of Loyola called the Daily Examen. I was introduced to this form of reflection by a blog post from Dan Wilt that inspired me to try it. 
 
If I spend my days focused on news anxiety, to-do lists and mindless activity without tending my soul, I feel robotic and disconnected from myself and others. Connecting to the One who knows and loves me unconditionally fuels my sense of purpose and meaning that nourishes my everyday world of activity. Beginning my day with stillness paired with emotional support oils and affirmations has been key to reorienting my soul to trust and peace. I've been impressed at how adding oils to my morning reflection has brought new possibilities, stability and emotional resilience. 
 

 Daily Examen Steps:
 

1. Be Still
Cease Striving. 

Take several deep breaths guiding your body, mind and spirit to recognize that God is with us as we are, always present and always loving. 
Breathe in awareness. 
Breathe out distractions.
 
I choose a calming oil that is appealing (Lavender, Frankincense, Northern Lights Black Spruce, Stress Away, Copaiba, or Valor) and put a drop in the palm of my hand. I rub my hands together in a circular direction and then tent my hands over my nose and mouth and inhale deeply several times. With each breath, I silently pray or verbalize these affirmations.

Breathe in: "I am seen and known and loved today"
Breathe out: “I release tension and open my mind and heart to Love.”

2. Give Thanks

Choose an oil that you find appealing - Joy, Abundance, Gratitude, Valor, Lemon, Thieves, Panaway, Peppermint - make up a roller with your favourite combination to roll on your palm or put a drop in your hand, rub hands together to warm the oil and then tent it over your nose and mouth for a few deep breaths. Then put your hand with the oil over your heart as you reflect with Gratitude and say your affirmation. 
 
Give thanks for every detail you can think of. “That kind word,” “That illuminating dream,” “The gift of colour and fragrance,” “That music I listened to,” or even “That painful situation that gives me another opportunity to grow.” Get good at identifying the details, and the gift within them. Nothing is too small to be grateful for.

Say aloud an affirmation like: "Your joy is my strength - put a song in my heart today."

3. Reflection 
Expose My Need

Ask, “How am I at this moment?” Explore a moment, memory or experience in which we felt God moving toward us or in us. What might God be trying to share with us? Reflect on moments when we found ourselves moving away from God in shame, fear, doubt, regret, disappointment and invite
God to sift them and turn them toward wholeness and healthy response. 

Sometimes I find journaling helpful as I 'listen in' to my subconscious objections to my goals, plans and desire to love others. These can be helpful clues about things I need to release in the next step or to guide changes I need to make. 

 

4. Pray and Release:

This step is a time to rest in the grace that God is bigger than our fears, problems, failures, hurts and concerns. We Offer joys, sorrows, or needs to God. Put down weapons of SELF-PROTECTION - or ways we push people away. 

Choose an oil that addresses your emotion:
Angry - Purification
Apathetic - Cedarwood
Exhausted - Panaway
Afraid - Valor or Frankincense
Nervous - Lavender
Sad - Joy (with a Citrus Oil - optional)
Worried - White Angelica
Stressed - Peppermint

As before, put your oil of choice on the palm of your hands, rub them together and then tent them over your nose and mouth and take several deep breaths. Pray about things you want to release - anger, hurt, self-protection that no longer serves you, doubt, fear, insecurity. I usually also apply the oil left on my hands over my liver and abdomen for cleansing benefits as I release emotions that would hinder me in caring well for the people in my life.   

5. Reorient to Trust & Hope:
You can choose any calming scent for this last step. I usually choose to end my prayer time with White Angelica - an essential oil blend from Young Living that helps me not to pick up the negative energy and stress from people and situations around me.  I apply this one like a shield over my shoulders, heart and head after putting a drop on my hand, rubbing palms together and then rubbing my hands over those areas. I can only let go of self protection when I remind myself that God can protect my mind and heart - attaching that affirmation to the scent of White Angelica can be a helpful place to restore peace, vision, and purpose to move into my day with joyful expectancy.  

Affirmation:  “Let Your ways of love unfold on earth as in heaven.” I focus on orienting my mind and heart to trust. Ask for eyes to see God's goodness unfold as we walk through our days.


The Lord Your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in You. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over You with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17


Marble Cake - Dairy, Egg & Gluten Free

My oldest son, James, loves marble cake! I've been baking one for him every birthday since he was a toddler. But it has been getting more complicated to make a cake that works with our family allergies. Collectively we avoid gluten soy, corn, dairy, eggs, peanuts, nightshades, and we are careful about sugar. 

I adjusted this recipe using almond flour, millet flour and arrowroot starch as a base. It was moist and delicious. Just what a cake should be!

Baking is one way we communicate to James that he is seen, and known, and loved as we celebrate him! 

INGREDIENTS:
Wet: 
  • 1 ⅔ cups dairy free milk (I use almond or coconut - but rice milk works well, too)
  • 1 ½ tsp apple cider vinegar (or lemon juice)
  • ⅓ cup unsweetened applesauce or 3 flax eggs (3 tbsp milled flax seeds + 9 tbsp water)
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
Dry:
  • 3 ¼ cup almond flour
  • 1 cup millet flour 
  • ⅓ cup arrowroot starch
  • 1 ⅓ cup Volupta Zero Calorie Sweetener (Erythryitol & Monk Fruit Extract) or Sucanat
  • 1 ½ tsp baking powder
  • 1 ½ tsp baking soda
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1/4 cup of cocoa powder (to be added for marbling)

INSTRUCTIONS:
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and lightly grease pans with coconut oil (two 8” round pans, one 9”x13” pan, or three 6” round pans). 
  2. In a large measuring cup measure out dairy-free milk and add vinegar or lemon juice to create a ‘buttermilk’ - let sit a few minutes. Then add applesauce and vanilla. Whisk to combine.
  3. Add dry ingredients to a large mixing bowl and whisk to combine. Then add wet ingredients to dry and beat or mix until there are no lumps. Add more almond flour if the mix is too wet and more dairy-free milk if it doesn’t pour easily. It will be thick.
  4. Pour ¾ of the batter evenly into pan(s).
  5. With the reserved batter in the bowl, add ¼ cup cocoa powder. For richer colour, add more cocoa. If it needs more moisture add dairy-free milk.
  6. Drop dollops of chocolate batter on two areas of the pan. Then create a marbling effect by using a butter knife and pulling the chocolate through the vanilla batter in a pleasing swirl pattern. 
  7. Bake on the center rack for 35-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean and the edges and surface appear golden brown. 
  8. Let cool in 9”x13” glass pan for several hours until the pan has no heat before frosting. OR Let cool 15 minutes in cake pans before removing to the cooling rack - then let cool completely before frosting. 


BUTTERCREAM FROSTING:
  • ½ cup butter or 2 sticks of vegan butter
  • ½ tsp vanilla extract
  • 3 ½ - 4 cups organic powdered sugar

INSTRUCTIONS:
  1. Add softened butter to a large mixing bowl and beat for 1 minute until smooth and creamy. 
  2. Add vanilla and mix 
  3. Gradually add sifted powdered sugar 1 cup at a time and beat until thick, spreadable frosting is formed. 
OPTION: 
For chocolate frosting, add ¼ -½ cup of cocoa powder in place of the last ½ cup of powdered sugar. Adjust as needed for taste and texture. 

If too thick the frosting will be too hard to spread. Add ½ tsp of dairy free milk at a time to thin out. If the frosting is too thin, you can add more powdered sugar to thicken so that it holds the cake together.

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