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Free to Be | Peggy Wright
I have been struggling for years with questions about productivity, identity and motivation. I'm thankful that my life is structured so that I can ebb and flow with seasons of rest and hustle. I get motivated to write or cook a new recipe for my housemates or take care of my boy's needs or read a book or take a long walk with Cosmo or spend time talking heart to heart with Lance dreaming about next steps together or share a great story for wellness with others or stories of growth with close friends or to make music or listen for God's whispers. 

My priorities move fluidly from day to day - and even throughout the day. I realize this is both a luxury and a puzzle to navigate. I need to time block into my schedule things that matter to me. But I forget to time block fun - connection - personal growth - 'unproductive' things.

When I got sick with CFIDS in my 20's it led to a lot of soul searching. I realized I'd always tied my sense of worth to my accomplishments, busy schedule and being liked. Am I still worthwhile if I can't contribute? There was guilt in being weak or feeling broken. My identity had to be rooted in something unchanging.  I found rest for my soul in recognizing our value to God as a piece of art is valued by the artist - just for being an expression - an image bearer.  

But guilt can still catch me in unguarded moments. Did I waste a day reading? Is my time spent on worthy pursuits? I know the value of rest, but still have a nagging sense that to do nothing or get lost in a book is laziness.

I've found this to be true: Every life is precious - we want to live our best life and live our purpose - but illness, trauma, job loss, COVID can sideline us. But life is still precious - wildly beautiful with possibility. Life has ebbs and flows - embracing a season of rest and healing is as sacred as pressing into a great big dream with everything we've got.

I'm deciding not to ride the guilt train when my mind and body crave quiet. It's part of how I'm made. My privilege each day is to look for where my priorities can be lived out - priorities of love and service in all their expressions - even quiet ones - in my family, my community and the places where I'm planted right now. Being who I'm made to be and offering that to the world is sacred work - productive use of this one wild spacious life. 

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My Story - Turning Health Challenges Around

 
I was twenty-two years old and felt like 90. 

Every day I would get out of bed not knowing if I could make it to my 4th year classes. 
Some days I would shower and by the time I finished I felt dizzy, sleepy, and my muscles felt like lead. Sometimes I would be so weak that I had to crawl on all fours back to my bedroom to lay down again. I would get 12-14 hours of restless sleep that would leave me feeling like a truck hit me. I ached all over and my head felt like it would burst with the pounding pain. I was really sick - for months... and then years.    

My adult life was just beginning and I'd been handed a life sentence of chronic illness.   

I got married that fall to Lance Wright, my very supportive and understanding husband. He and I talked about taking a year off - no schedule - to allow my body to recover. I was on a downward spiral and had no answers about how to turn it around. My world shrunk - fast.  

But as my outward world shrunk, I was determined to grow my inner world through reading, prayer, and writing. I knew the diagnosis I'd been given wasn't the end of my story. I trusted that I'd find the steps needed to heal.   

One day as I was asking God to heal me, I got a picture in my mind of a drooping flower bound tightly by weeds. A flash of understanding came with it. I felt as if God was saying, "Healing will be a slow process. Trust me and I will lead you to part of the weed to loosen its hold and remove its influence." This became the perfect symbol for my wellness journey - bit by bit finding healing steps and feeling life and strength return.  

Part of my wellness picture was uncovering trauma that had taught my mind and body that I wasn't safe. So the safety of my relationship with Lance was the starting point for the hard work of healing. When I would get discouraged about how little I could accomplish each day, Lance would remind me that my full-time job in this season was to heal. After a digging deep process, digestive cleansing, and dietary changes over eight years, I started to gain ground. 

I am 52 this year and feel better than I did in my twenties. Lance and I have raised three young men together and I spent 17 years as a homeschool Mom. I have become passionate about helping people discern steps to get unstuck to move toward health. It feels redemptive to use the years of research and experimenting to shorten the road for others looking for a path forward. Enjoy perusing my blog or follow @pegwright | Linktree for a way to connect. I'd love to pull up a chair at our table and share with you the small steps that are opening doors of possibility for life-giving change.  Let's Thrive - together! 

For a full version of my exploration and self-discovery, read my book 'Opening to Grace' found on Amazon or fromWestbow Press.



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