Lance and I learned early on that we couldn’t rest on yesterday’s love - we needed to find fresh expression everyday. Emotional contentment feeds security, creativity, connection and brings out the best in us!
Often people that are acts of service people will offer love in their own language. But if their partner or child or team-mate need quality time, words of encouragement or physical touch, the service won't reach it's intended target of filling the emotional tank. It can be puzzling when our efforts don't result in our people feeling loved.
Acts of Service:
Doing things you know the other would like you to do for them is a love language that fills the tank of a person with this preference. It can be ordinary things like making a meal, doing the laundry, vacuuming the rug. Identify what would communicate love to your loved ones. Ask them to name four things that if you do them regularly would fill their emotional tank.
This is my husband, Lance’s favourite way to experience love. Everyday I know that if I make him a morning smoothie and dinner, refill his drawers magically with clean laundry, keep our relationship a healthy safe space, and partner with him in managing our finances or house jobs, I am filling up his emotional tank. He always notices and comments on how much he enjoys meals and appreciates my efforts. Early on he taught the boys to thank me for every dinner I make. I love words of affirmation and appreciation - so this works well for us! He also speaks this language as a labour of love daily in dishes, fixing things, and taking on the unpleasant tasks that no one else volunteers for.
How to speak the Love Language of Service:
Getting to a chore that has been put off will speak louder than a dozen roses. Working together on a project and investing time in a shared passion will be very bonding and meaningful.
Using our Thieves Household Cleaner around the house makes our shared space warm, inviting and healthy. Thieves scent speaks calm, immune and adrenal support to create a healing environment while doing the jobs that matter to our loved ones with this love language. Early in our marriage, Lance voiced a preference for clean surfaces and floors, but he never notices dust - so I focus my first energy on things that matter to him.
Purifying the air with Thieves or Purification for prevention or during grimy house jobs can make a big difference to feeling supported while we work. Lance worked on basement mold one day and started to feel ill. Moving the diffuser and Purification into the space cleared the air so he could finish a nasty job. Tackling nasty jobs is one of the ways Lance shows his love for our family.
Diffuse motivating oils like Lemon & Peppermint to energize you for the tasks - and remind yourself of the labour of love they are!
Taking time regularly to assess needs with our loved ones can lay the foundation for trust, confidence, peace and connection. I find my guys are more receptive to growth, feedback, and disagreements when we come with a clear knowledge that we are valued, respected and cared for.
Learning about love languages gave me hope that even if I'm not fluent in my loved one's languages - I can learn them. Even when it is uncomfortable for me, my family and friends appreciate my efforts. Becoming somewhat fluent in all the languages help us love well the people in our families, workplaces and those placed in our care.
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