Grief.
It is a complicated beast.
Recently, I lost my mother. It was a relatively sudden thing- definitely a different time than we expected. I am grateful that I was able to spend some time with her in the past couple months, on two separate trips, each with one of my daughters in tow. I am grateful that they were also able to spend time with her and hopefully remember her as they also learned about grief and loss and death.
Death and the loss we experience is never talked about, despite it being inevitable. Despite the majority of us humans having to experience it one way or another at some point in our lives. The process in which we go through is so deeply personal yet strangely the same as many others who have experienced their own loss before us.
We don't talk about it. We don't acknowledge it. We passively sit by and say our condolences but never really dive into supporting one another in such a loss. It is rare to have a good community, or even just one lone person, to regularly connect with and grieve with.
One thing I noticed for myself is that the physical symptoms that I experienced after my mother's passing was INTENSE. Even as a therapist, I never expected such intensity with the somatic. I have experienced vomiting, upset stomach, flu-like symptoms, headaches, heart palpitations, anxiety and extreme fatigue. Now that I am approaching close to 2 weeks since her passing, I am feeling a reducing in SOME of the symptoms. It ebbs and flows, as so the emotions that sometimes seem so separate.
I can tell you that ALLLLLL the oils have certainly helped me in this emotional time. Creating a blend of emotional oils, such as trauma life and joy, gratitude and kunzea, among others, have supported my system in this time. I notice a decrease of symptoms shortly after application. The calm is greater after breathing in all the sweet smells. My heart is less achy- emotionally. I don't always know all the science behind these amazing molecules that make up these plant-based oils but I am grateful for them. The daily use has helped me feel like a functioning adult, as I manage to still find time and ways to parent my children and go to work and attempt to handle all the additional tasks that have been recently thrust at me.
I love my "magic in a bottle" that seems to be keeping me sane both emotionally and physically these days.
What has been your favorite way to handle emotional and somatic stress???
Life sure has been crazy lately. And I mean CRAZY.
My mother called me a few weeks ago to tell me she received a terminal diagnosis and asked me to come visit her. Within 48 hours, my little one and I were in my hometown, approximately 1000 miles from where I live. It was hard to see my mom struggling and not be as energetic and vibrant as she usually is. She is a small woman without much weight on her but she was now small and frail. She was tired and in pain but overall in good spirits. Much of my time was spent with our family attorney as well as doing random things to help provide some peace and security for my mom, preparing for what might come.
The great news is that God is working in this experience. So many folks are praying for her and supporting her. We have a wonderful gal who has been an amazing help, coming over 3 times a day and taking her to all her appointments and is a great advocate for her. It was heavy though, sitting through doctor appointments and helping care for my mom like I never have had to in the past. It is different than caring for a sick child, although there are some similarities. It was very hard to leave but also very welcomed, as I had not seen my husband and oldest child in 3 weeks. It was time to get home and take care of myself, my family and our life.
I loved being able to spend some time sharing with my mom about some techniques that she can use to ease her pain, including using oils. I left some with her and made some roller balls for her to help with pain and liver detox, sleep and a lemon vitality to add to her water or use as a anti-nausea help. I wish I could have done more but it was a good time to share with my mom some tools that I hope she can continue to use to help support her health in this time. It was a chance to share with her some of my passion and understand it better.
It has been hard to be back, not knowing and feeling guilty about not being there to do more. I am grateful to have a massage today, as my neck is killing me. I carry my stress in my upper back/shoulders and neck and oh do I feel it. I will be bringing some oils with me to help relieve those muscles and decrease stress. I am daily calling to see how my mom is doing, updating the blog I created to update friends and family, ordering sprouted greens or other items to be sent to her, dealing with bank accounts and who knows what else all while trying to work full time, take care of my family and myself, and try to get my children ready for the school year. I am running to my oils even more to help me strength my systems. They are a necessity, for emotional and physical health. I am learning more about the oils that help more with specific emotions, in part for my work but also for me personally.
Today is the first day that I have had to myself. It is actually only a half day, but no work this morning and kids are in school so I have time to write and try to catch up on a few things that have been neglected these past few weeks. I have a chance to sort my feelings and thoughts. Today I don't know what I am thinking but I feel like bawling. I am holding so much and am in this weird place of waiting and uncertainty. My faith is challenged as I am forced to trust others who are caring for her, from doctors to friends, and trust God that regardless of what is going on, He is ultimately going to work in this situation with or without my hand in this. It is a place of growth and uncertainty and as we know, there is discomfort in such places.
