Today is the day after Thanksgiving here in the states. Thanksgiving is an interesting day, if you think about it.
It began as a day of giving thanks for the blessings of the harvest and of the preceding year. It is commonly known as a way to commemorate the Pilgrim's harvest meal that they shared with the Indians. Even though there are questions about the true intent of this meal, the celebration still comes back to the act of giving thanks. Christians often view it as a day set apart to give thanks to God and being especially thankful to Him.
Why I think it is "interesting" as I first started out saying is that the dynamics and traditions that often correlate with Thanksgiving festivities is often with a lack of gratitude. It is the family that despises getting together because of the stress and dynamics between one another. It is the gluttony that many experience, which is more of a hoarding and selfish behavior. (Think of your cousin who would tackle you to make sure he gets the last piece of pumpkin pie.) It is a time that people overspend, starting with all the food and decorations that then moves straight into Black Friday. The stress of finances is often very real for many, despite their festivities to celebrate. Then there is the alcohol. It is often free-flowing early, starting with mimosas with breakfast and just continuing on throughout the day. The rowdy behaviors and drunken attitudes can be overtaking of what might be otherwise a pleasant family event. Having to drag your husband home early because of all the embarrassing things he says is not a fun end to a family event.
Yet, there are many who do still enjoy this time of year. The family that is close, all ships in and helps prepare and clean up and don't stress about the money. Playing games, watching movies, taking walks and laughter area always a good sign of family cohesiveness.
My family is somewhere in the middle. We hang out but sometimes don't know what to do. It is a nice time but not always the most exciting or fun. The food is good, but the day can have stresses. There are no drunken stupors or disrespectful guests but our time is also low key. Nap-worthy, if you will.
Why do I share this information with you? I am thinking about relationships. Which are tricky and sometimes messy and even gross at times. They are difficult to navigate. And when we are thrown into the expectations of what Thanksgiving, or any other event like it, "SHOULD" be, I think we feel like we are doing something wrong. We feel less than. I mean, why does all the dysfunction in the families make an appearance? Well, we are people. And when people get together, messes happen.
Relationships are funny. How we engage with people, what we tolerate, why certain people are- or are not- a part of our celebration and what our expectations are become more highlighted when we are all together. Or should be. Even the dysfunction that we don't always want, we may crave when the holidays roll around. Sometimes it is a good awareness of how content we truly are- or aren't.
I am drawn to my family of origin when I think of the holidays. The good times not only as a kid, but memories of my parents. The realization that they are not present to celebrate with me and those moments that I think how much my mom or dad would like this or laugh at that. I think of my brothers who are disconnected and other family that I really don't have very close ties to. I wonder what a celebration might look like if....
I have the tendency to let my thoughts go wild... taking away the joy in the present moments, if I let them. Rather, I attempt to focus on what I am content with... So, instead of feeling sad and disconnected that my dad is not here with us, I can think how proud he would be to know... or how my mom would be so proud that...
When it comes to feeling grateful, this time of year can be a challenge. I believe many people have a wrong outlook, letting their current feelings about a situation rule them, instead of focusing on what they DO have, not just in that moment. It used to be believed that suicide rates increased around the holidays but that is actually not true. The month with the highest rates is typically January, which is AFTER the holidays. This information tells me that people thrive with the human connection that we all desire is more present, regardless of the dysfunction that also might be present.
We often hear about GRATITUDE and how important it is in our lives. I believe that it is very true that we need to be intentional about the ways we choose to look at our circumstances and the people in our lives. Especially if we have experienced changes in our life, whether positive or negative, that help us to better appreciate the current circumstances. Gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness and helps people to feel more positive emotions, improve their health, deal with adversity, build stronger relationships and relish in those good experiences easier.
How are you implementing more GRATITUDE in your life, not just during the holidays, but everyday?!
-->Have you learned about the benefits that Gratitude has on your health? Stay tuned and I will share more with you!
At the beginning of every year, I often think of a word that is my focus for the year ahead. Something that helps me stay in focus and fine tune areas of my life. This year, I could not hone in on just one word that really spoke to me. However, the word INTENTION seemed to come up over and over... and over again. I think my word found me.
In my therapy practice, I have a couple clients who speak of how they are desiring to live with more intention, adding to my own value of what intention looks like to me.
This past year, so many things have changed and been stripped down to the bare basics. Working is a luxury that many of us took for granted with daycare options and schools and even grandparents that were no longer options starting Spring 2020 and continuing on into 2021 for many. Having to refocus our attention to our families and our own well-being was critical. Refining schedules and involvement into our family's lives and schooling was high on the priority list. Family time and cherishing our moments with friends became high priority and extremely important.
However, as we are moving into a phase of life returning to at least phases of normal, we all have to be very intentional (see? There is that word!) about what we are moving back into and possibly away from.
What are the pieces that we have adapted to that we really want to continue in our lives? Values and learning that we need to continue for the sake of our children? Yes, working less and becoming the "teacher" was a new and stressful time for so many of us. However, I know I can speak to my own heart in knowing that I have cherished (most of) these times. And I know my perspective has changed about many things during this eye-opening time.
I recently stumbled across a blog that offered this nugget of truth: “Don’t just drift through life. Live with intention and purpose.” I believe that is one of the most important lessons that a person can learn—and the sooner we get it, the better.
Living a simple life certainly requires intentional living.
We live in a world that is hectic, busy, and hurried, yet in the past year have seen what a life if simplicity looks like. We live in a culture that encourages selfishness and excess. And in a society that is rushing to gain more, satisfaction with less is counter-cultural. As a result, we have been taught that working more and having more is better. We have left our children in the hands of others to let others take over their education instead of being hands-on with what they are learning and how they are growing.
Until now.
To begin living with intention, we must begin by laying a proper foundation and then add practical steps on top of it.
First, Lay the Foundation.
- Realize that your life is made up of choices. Every morning is a new day full of decisions and opportunities. You get to pick your attitude and your decisions. You have a say in what you want the future to look like and how you want to get there! You do not need to be stuck in the same pattern of living that you have been for years… realize that every morning is a new opportunity.
- Evaluate what is around you. Living with intention will require you to take a step back and evaluate the culture you are immersed in to determine where it is headed, how it is affecting you, and if it is taking you in a direction you desire. Do you have negative influence or toxic people in your world? You can change that...
- Examine yourself. I know this past year has offered me a gift in being able to grow and change by working on healing in body, spirit and mind. I am not done yet (are we ever?) and look forward to the ways I can thrive as a result. Give precious time and energy to this endeavor. It is one of the most valuable things you can do.
Second, Add Practical Steps.
- Decide to live your life. Show up. You need to show up and be an authentic YOU. Showing up is HARD. Trust me. I am working hard on doing this task more and better. I hear it comes easier... The value that you have to offer is like no one else and it is to be cherished.
- Define a purpose. We all have a purpose. A way to serve others and contribute to this crazy life in a unique and valuable way! Find a passion to live for that is bigger than yourself. Write it down. It will bring new meaning to your life.
- Set goals. Goals move us and goals shape us. Set goals that are directly in line with your defined purpose. By their very nature, they will introduce INTENTIONALITY into your life.
- Stay focused. We live in a world of constant connectivity and distraction. It is important to prioritize our time and turn off or remove what is not neccessary from our space. Look at the things (clutter, t.v., etc.) that are stealing your joy and robbing your energy so you can be living with intention.
- Learn from others. There are a lot of amazing and successful people out there! They are invested in self growth and know a few things to take note of. They also possess the humility to learn from others. Identify people accomplishing your purpose and goals. Then, study them and learn from them.
The worst thing you could ever waste is your life. Instead, commit yourself to intentional living and living with purpose. What are the ways you are living with more INTENTION as a learning from the past year?
