Today is the day after Thanksgiving here in the states. Thanksgiving is an interesting day, if you think about it.
It began as a day of giving thanks for the blessings of the harvest and of the preceding year. It is commonly known as a way to commemorate the Pilgrim's harvest meal that they shared with the Indians. Even though there are questions about the true intent of this meal, the celebration still comes back to the act of giving thanks. Christians often view it as a day set apart to give thanks to God and being especially thankful to Him.
Why I think it is "interesting" as I first started out saying is that the dynamics and traditions that often correlate with Thanksgiving festivities is often with a lack of gratitude. It is the family that despises getting together because of the stress and dynamics between one another. It is the gluttony that many experience, which is more of a hoarding and selfish behavior. (Think of your cousin who would tackle you to make sure he gets the last piece of pumpkin pie.) It is a time that people overspend, starting with all the food and decorations that then moves straight into Black Friday. The stress of finances is often very real for many, despite their festivities to celebrate. Then there is the alcohol. It is often free-flowing early, starting with mimosas with breakfast and just continuing on throughout the day. The rowdy behaviors and drunken attitudes can be overtaking of what might be otherwise a pleasant family event. Having to drag your husband home early because of all the embarrassing things he says is not a fun end to a family event.
Yet, there are many who do still enjoy this time of year. The family that is close, all ships in and helps prepare and clean up and don't stress about the money. Playing games, watching movies, taking walks and laughter area always a good sign of family cohesiveness.
My family is somewhere in the middle. We hang out but sometimes don't know what to do. It is a nice time but not always the most exciting or fun. The food is good, but the day can have stresses. There are no drunken stupors or disrespectful guests but our time is also low key. Nap-worthy, if you will.
Why do I share this information with you? I am thinking about relationships. Which are tricky and sometimes messy and even gross at times. They are difficult to navigate. And when we are thrown into the expectations of what Thanksgiving, or any other event like it, "SHOULD" be, I think we feel like we are doing something wrong. We feel less than. I mean, why does all the dysfunction in the families make an appearance? Well, we are people. And when people get together, messes happen.
Relationships are funny. How we engage with people, what we tolerate, why certain people are- or are not- a part of our celebration and what our expectations are become more highlighted when we are all together. Or should be. Even the dysfunction that we don't always want, we may crave when the holidays roll around. Sometimes it is a good awareness of how content we truly are- or aren't.
I am drawn to my family of origin when I think of the holidays. The good times not only as a kid, but memories of my parents. The realization that they are not present to celebrate with me and those moments that I think how much my mom or dad would like this or laugh at that. I think of my brothers who are disconnected and other family that I really don't have very close ties to. I wonder what a celebration might look like if....
I have the tendency to let my thoughts go wild... taking away the joy in the present moments, if I let them. Rather, I attempt to focus on what I am content with... So, instead of feeling sad and disconnected that my dad is not here with us, I can think how proud he would be to know... or how my mom would be so proud that...
When it comes to feeling grateful, this time of year can be a challenge. I believe many people have a wrong outlook, letting their current feelings about a situation rule them, instead of focusing on what they DO have, not just in that moment. It used to be believed that suicide rates increased around the holidays but that is actually not true. The month with the highest rates is typically January, which is AFTER the holidays. This information tells me that people thrive with the human connection that we all desire is more present, regardless of the dysfunction that also might be present.
We often hear about GRATITUDE and how important it is in our lives. I believe that it is very true that we need to be intentional about the ways we choose to look at our circumstances and the people in our lives. Especially if we have experienced changes in our life, whether positive or negative, that help us to better appreciate the current circumstances. Gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness and helps people to feel more positive emotions, improve their health, deal with adversity, build stronger relationships and relish in those good experiences easier.
How are you implementing more GRATITUDE in your life, not just during the holidays, but everyday?!
-->Have you learned about the benefits that Gratitude has on your health? Stay tuned and I will share more with you!
Life these days.
I don't know about you, but between life being busy and life just being exhausting, I am TIRED.
How 'bout you?
The Webster's Dictionary definition of TIRED is: drained of strength and energy : fatigued often to the point of exhaustion.
Does that sound like you??
I know in this time of trying life and world events, and in this time of slowing down and attempting to have growth has given me an opportunity to look
As a person, I have needs that I hold and manage. As a wife, I hold my husband's needs. As a mom, I hold my family. As a therapist, I hold others. I recently saw a quote that therapists hold an extraordinary amount of pain, grief, loss and rage for our clients. This statement holds true for my friends. My family. And my self. Yet, who holds me?? The keeper and holder of alllllll the things??
Sometimes it is no wonder why I am so very tired. Then, I remember that I am a "helper." On the Enneagram, I am a 9. The Helper. The Peacekeeper. As a 9, I tend to view myself as not very important and I avoid conflict. So when other people need something, I give to them. I often forget the value of giving to myself. Self care. I tend to be stubborn and feel selfish doing what I want to do, but I want more than anything else to have a day to do JUST what I want to do.
When I am aware of how tired I am, I am often in a crabby, not nice place. (Ask my family- they can tell you!) THis is my sign that I am over worked, over tired and spent. I am not taking time for me and self care (things that care for my body and soul!). One of the ways that I constantly have to come back to is asking where is my prayer life? What am I doing to cultivate my relationship with God? The Bible says:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
~Matthew 11:28-30
In this crazy and trying time, even in the midst of the lack of busy, we are often still tired. Drained. Worn out. Despite life being on hold in m any cases. God is here to restore and take care of our souls. To care for us in ways that we cannot do alone. As the carrier of (seemingly) all things, I often don't have many people to go to. To vent to. To help me carry the burdens that I often carry. My husband knows his role in helping me in my self care. My friends are often too busy and have their own stresses and burdens to help me carry mine. I have to bring my joys and my stress to God, the one who can carry all things!
I love the holistic approach of God. He created our bodies to heal itself with the right tools. He gave us the tools, through Prayer, through natural remedies, through exercise, through the power of relationships- both people and God himself! My question that I always ask myself and that I challenge you with as well is how are you embracing all the holistic tools to grow- both physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally? God desires us to come to Him and trust Him. Luckily, He can hold all that we have when sometimes we can't, or shouldn't, hold it all.
